SMU admission - outstanding community service . 300 words

i have several content that i was thinking to write. However considering the word limit of 300 words, i decided to focus on the most inspiring incident (to me at least) to elaborate on,.

Describe the highlights of your most important achievements or contributions. If you have any outstanding talent (e.g. national sportsman, run a successful business, outstanding community service), please include them as well. (Max : 300 words)

The serve Thailand community trip was the most meaningful incident that happened to me thus far. Not only was it a new experience, but it also gave me a whole new perspective to something most of us take for granted; life.

Being an active member of the Singapore Soka Association(SSA), I have always volunteered myself on an ad-hoc basis to community projects like the National Day Parade(NDP) and CHINGAY. I also did fund raising and clothing and supplies collection with SSA during tragic events like the Sichuan earthquake and 2004 Asian tsunami.

Despite volunteering for all the said community projects, I did not feel that I have made a difference in someone's life. The trip however made me realize that any effort, no matter how small, is capable of changing someone's life. The trip also enlightened me to look at issues which are more fundamental compared to the physical living conditions of the villagers. For example, while we can renovate and refurnish the school to make it more attractive and comfortable, the education standards of the school need to be reinforced as well by means of compulsory education. After all, education is the best way to alleviate poverty in the long-run.

I will never forget the happiness displayed by the children when we revealed the donated clothing and toys to them. What was old and useless to us was as good as gold in their eyes! This made me reflect on the many luxuries I enjoy in Singapore, and how they were never needs to begin with. It made me realign my priorities in life and focus on what is really important, compared to the material enjoyments.

My ability to adapt to new environments was also strengthened as this trip stretched my comfort zone.

i feel that my writing style is not very impressive and the choice of words and presenting styles is not "bombastic" enough. i would need to submit this essay within the next few days.

would appreciate all comments and feedbacks on who to better my essay. thanks!!

I will never forget the happiness displayed by the childrenchildrens' happiness when we revealed the donated clothing and toys to them. What was old and useless to us was as good as gold in their eyes! This made me reflect on the many luxuries I enjoy in Singapore, and how they were never needs to begin with. It made me realign my priorities in life and focus on what is really important, compared to the material enjoyments.

My ability to adapt to new environments was also strengthened as this trip stretched my comfort zone. elaborate here more!!!

Thanks for the amendments Hannah!
is there any pointers i can elaborate on?
i've already hit the word limit here:s

Also , while the question asks for most ' important ' contributions, is it appropriate that I respond with ' meaningful ' ?

look forward to your prompt reply!

Let me know what you think of my feedback.
I used Hannah's correction as the starting point.

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Thanks chalumeau for the useful corrections!

do u have any advise on any pointers i can elaborate on?
i've already hit the word limit of 300 here:s

Also , while the question asks for most ' important ' contributions/ community work, is it appropriate that I respond with ' meaningful ' ?

This passion to make a positive difference still burns in me today and will motivate me in my future endeavor to contribute back to the society.

is this appropriate as a concluding sentence?

i have changed my essay, do point out if there is any area where i ahve to improve on. thanks!

The "Serve Thailand" community trip was the most meaningful community work done in my life thus far. It was not only a new experience, but also an eye-opening one, giving me a new perspective into something many of us take for granted - life.

As an active member of the Singapore Soka Association (SSA), I have always volunteered on an ad-hoc basis to community projects such as the National Day Parade(NDP) and CHINGAY. Immediately after tragic events such as the Sichuan earthquake and 2004 Asian tsunami, I participated in fundraising efforts for clothing and supplies with SSA.

After volunteering for these community projects, I wonder what degree of difference I make in someone's life. The trip, however, made me realize that any effort, no matter how small, is capable of changing someone's life. Our team repainted the villagers' school, built a new kitchen, playground and toilet

The trip also revealed more complicated issues than the physical living conditions of the villagers. For example, a renovated school is of no use if teachers are incompetent, or if books aren't available. Compulsory standards are necessary, and the best way to alleviate poverty.

I will never forget the children's happiness when we revealed the donated clothing and toys to them. What was old and useless to us was as good as gold in their eyes! This made me reflect on the many luxuries I enjoy in Singapore: they were never needs. It made me realign my priorities in life and focus on what is really important.

This passion to make a positive difference still burns in me today and will motivate me in my future endeavor to contribute back to the society.

I think that "important" and "meaningful" are interchangeable for this purpose.

There are still some errors in the essay. If you review my notes you may understand which parts need correction.

The last sentence, "This passion to make a positive difference still burns in me today and will motivate me in my future endeavors to contribute back to the society."

This essay may not be what the scholarship committee has in mind. An outstanding talent or achievement is something that exceeds expectations by a measurable amount. Let's say you are outstanding in sports. Then you'll write about how many trophies you've accumulated and how great your body is. Let's say you are a wonderful musician. You'll write about how your music makes people happy. Let's say you are the best community service volunteer. You'll write about how many houses you've built for Habit and describe one in great detail--especially the paint job, your specialty.

So what are you really good at? Talking to people? Reading? Math? Lifting things?