"the social and cognitive forces", UC Psychology Major Transfer

Hi guys, I wanted you to critique and hear your opinion about the first prompt, advices and opinions very welcome.

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

I was always fascinated by the social and cognitive forces that influence human behavior. Adolescence became the most prolific period of my life, when I started observing the world in a new and a complex way. Observing the complexities that arise from the twenty five year age gap between my parents played an instrumental role in my development. This environment allowed me to continuously observe the patterns in thinking and behavior of my parents and people with different personalities and views of life. Moreover, living in the United States for seven years and observing people from various cultures with a variety of different values and principles, I have grown to appreciate the capacity and complexity of the human mind. My curiosity to understand not only the physiology of the human brain, but the function of the enigmatic mind sparked in me the penchant toward the field of psychology.

My interest in the field of psychology intensified after taking a psychology class. I attentively studied contrasting theories of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, and always aimed to interpret my everyday observations in personal life. Working at Los Angeles City College's English Department has proven to be a great opportunity to observe, compare and analyze the complex thinking processes of many students. In addition, I always keep in touch with my psychology professor, who acknowledges my sincere desire to learn more about human behavior and gives me professional advice on the literature necessary to expand my knowledge.

My passion to understand psychologically caused dysfunctions, prevent them and promote welfare and a healthy lifestyle has caused me to choose clinical psychology as my area of study. My goal at University of California is to take numerous psychology classes along with classes in the field of communications, since I believe that a knowledgeable psychologist must possess a genuine understanding of human behavior and communication. I believe that the University of California is the best institution that will build a solid foundation for me and instill the required knowledge to contribute to my long term career goals in clinical psychology.

I have always been fascinated by the social and cognitive forces that influence human behavior.

This environment allowed me to continuously observe the patterns in the thinking and behavior of my parents and people with different personalities and points of view .

My curiosity to understand not only the physiology of the human brain, but the function of the enigmatic mind, sparked in me the penchant toward the field of psychology.

My passion to understand psychologically caused dysfunctions, prevent them and promote welfare and a healthy lifestyle, has caused me to choose clinical psychology as my area of study.

I believe that the University of California is the best institution for building a solid foundation for me and instilling the required knowledge to contribute to my long term career goals in clinical psychology.

I think you have a great paper here. Susan clear somethings up. Just to make some points:

... and always aimed to interpret my everyday observations in personal life -I'm sort of lost. Did you mean to tie that in with Jung and Freud? If so, then something like: Through attentively studying contrasting theories of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, I have been able to interpret my everyday observations objectively. If I am off here, then still give it some attention

My goal at the University of California is to take numerous psychology classes along with classes in the field of communications, since I believe that a knowledgeable psychologist must possess a genuine understanding of human behavior and communications -You have "I believe" here and the next sentence begins with the very same thing so maybe getting rid of the I believe would do some good here. If you want to keep it here, then get rid of the next one. Also do you think it is appropriate to mention a new field of study? You do tie it back in and it has very much to do with psychology but what makes psychology different from other fields of study when it comes to communication? Your call

I believe that the University of California is the best institution that will build for building a solid foundation for me and instilling the required knowledge to contribute to my long term career goals in clinical psychology.

Alright. Hope it helps.

Can you read my paper?