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'social implications of medical disorders' - Cornell Human Ecology Essay



justbee 3 / 9  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
Prompt: What do you value about the College of Human Ecology perspective as you consider your academic goals and plans for the future? Reflect on our majors that interest you as you respond.

America is a nation that glitters with prosperity but its greatest wealth lies in the consideration and basic rights it guarantees its people. The government mandates that public places are handicap accessible, and people with disabilities are considered a valuable part of society.

My cousin lives in India, and she has Down Syndrome. A microscopic chromosomal abnormality makes her different. But a society that does not provide for the helpless leaves her forsaken. Children with special educational needs slip between the cracks in India. They have no chance to life a normal life.

I later spent two weeks working in a classroom with preschool-age autistic children. At that age, I was struck by how normal their behavior was. But when it came time to write their names, or to follow simple instructions, they found themselves incapable. Watching a child grow frustrated at their inabilities is heartbreaking. But even just in two weeks, I saw those children grow. It was small steps, like opening their own backpacks, or writing the first letter of their names, but it was progress. And at least they have a chance that my cousin never had. They have a society that respects their needs and their right to learn.

When I was younger, I tried researching my cousin's condition. What started out as a brief foray into research about Down Syndrome turned into a full-blown passion for biology. As I learned more about Trisomy 21, I found that I needed to expand my knowledge of biology to compensate. After my experience working with autistic children, I also grew interested in understanding the molecular biology behind autism. Biology has always become the subject that calls to me, and every new thing I learn only reinforces its appeal.

I never dreamed that there was a college out there that would allow me to integrate my interest in biology with my interest in the societal implications of medical disorders such as Down Syndrome. The College of Human Ecology, and the Human Biology, Health &Society major in particular, would allow me to pursue these interests while facilitating my ultimate goal of becoming a physician. The multidisciplinary nature of the major makes it seem like the learning possibilities are endless.

The College of Human Ecology gives me the opportunity to continue to intellectually stimulate myself and also work toward achieving my life-long goals in biology and sociology.

Am I responding to the prompt appropriately?

davidgoes 5 / 13  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
America is a nation that glitters with prosperity but its greatest wealth lies in the consideration and basic rights it guarantees[to]its people.

I feel your paragraphs don't really connect well, try linking your the paragraphs.

Biology has always become the subject that calls to me, and every new thing I learn only reinforces its appeal.

Fixed: Biology has always been the subject that called to me, and every new thing I learned only reinforced its appeal.

Overall the content of your essay was great in answering the prompt, just find a way to link the paragraphs better
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 10, 2010   #3
In that compound sentence at the beginning, use a comma:
America is a nation that glitters with prosperity, but its...

That first paragraph is so short and simple! How about adding another sentence or two to express a complex idea about what it means that America values disabled people...

Oh, I see now that you should probably mention the ecological perspective and/or the majors that interest you as you extend that first paragraph.

In the conclusion, restate some of the ideas you express in the intro and add "something extra" for the reader to take away from the reading of the essay.

:-)


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