So I am applying to a bunch of schools on the common application and I was wondering if anyone could give me some help with my essay, I would appreciate any feedback! I chose the "choose your own topic" of the common app, and the essay should be from 250-500 words.
Solace in Suburbia
Paradise lies only fifteen minutes from my home. Past the manicured suburban lawns, next to the bending asphalt road, I find the well-worn path. As I step into the woods, verdant pines and ferns sway with the wind, beckoning me further along the trail. Slowly, ever so slowly, the mundane sounds of speeding cars and barking dogs vanish, replaced by a symphony of chirps and tweets and rustlings. After minutes of walking, I come upon a clearing where a derelict metal fire tower reaches towards the azure sky. I have reached my personal retreat.
Ascending the rickety tower stairs, I grasp ever tightly to the handrail for support. At the top of the structure, I survey the vista. Peaks and valleys of lush trees unfold in every direction around me, carefully concealing the towns which dot the surrounding area. I gaze northward toward the town of Concord and with a shiver realize that the very woods which inspired Thoreau's works lie before me. Momentarily, I recall Thoreau's advice to move confidently in the direction of one's dreams. How I long to adhere to such wisdom as I delve into the great wilderness of college admissions!
Behind my back gleam the steely buildings of Boston, rising up in stark contrast to the soft line of the treetops. The distinct juxtaposition of the city and the country suggests the two environments stand at odds with one another. However, in my opinion these disparate settings stand as a fine example of mutualism; each compensates for what the other lacks. The earthy, slow-moving countryside complements the bustling sophistication of Boston. This example of harmony between contradictory areas serves as my guide to navigating all types of relationships, be they personal, occupational or familial.
After minutes of quiet contemplation, I shout out a gleeful whoop and revel in the reverberation of my voice throughout the nearby land. The sound startles nearby clusters of birds which quickly fly towards the sky. I silently apologize to my feathered friends, remembering that each action I make has distinct implications on the world around me. This thought both excites and unnerves me. I am teeming with excitement to tackle the issues that curse modern society, yet equally daunted by the fact that my well intended actions may have an adverse effect on the world. My life of altruism begins as I collect discarded soda cans from atop the tower.
As I amble down the steps towards terra firma, my mind works feverishly to recall the views from the top. Alas, mental pictures and camera images fail to capture the soul of this location. Perhaps that's what I find so alluring about the tower; when I stand atop it, my thoughts meander from the past to the future, but these reflections always return to the present while I bask in the sheer beauty of the moment.
Solace in Suburbia
Paradise lies only fifteen minutes from my home. Past the manicured suburban lawns, next to the bending asphalt road, I find the well-worn path. As I step into the woods, verdant pines and ferns sway with the wind, beckoning me further along the trail. Slowly, ever so slowly, the mundane sounds of speeding cars and barking dogs vanish, replaced by a symphony of chirps and tweets and rustlings. After minutes of walking, I come upon a clearing where a derelict metal fire tower reaches towards the azure sky. I have reached my personal retreat.
Ascending the rickety tower stairs, I grasp ever tightly to the handrail for support. At the top of the structure, I survey the vista. Peaks and valleys of lush trees unfold in every direction around me, carefully concealing the towns which dot the surrounding area. I gaze northward toward the town of Concord and with a shiver realize that the very woods which inspired Thoreau's works lie before me. Momentarily, I recall Thoreau's advice to move confidently in the direction of one's dreams. How I long to adhere to such wisdom as I delve into the great wilderness of college admissions!
Behind my back gleam the steely buildings of Boston, rising up in stark contrast to the soft line of the treetops. The distinct juxtaposition of the city and the country suggests the two environments stand at odds with one another. However, in my opinion these disparate settings stand as a fine example of mutualism; each compensates for what the other lacks. The earthy, slow-moving countryside complements the bustling sophistication of Boston. This example of harmony between contradictory areas serves as my guide to navigating all types of relationships, be they personal, occupational or familial.
After minutes of quiet contemplation, I shout out a gleeful whoop and revel in the reverberation of my voice throughout the nearby land. The sound startles nearby clusters of birds which quickly fly towards the sky. I silently apologize to my feathered friends, remembering that each action I make has distinct implications on the world around me. This thought both excites and unnerves me. I am teeming with excitement to tackle the issues that curse modern society, yet equally daunted by the fact that my well intended actions may have an adverse effect on the world. My life of altruism begins as I collect discarded soda cans from atop the tower.
As I amble down the steps towards terra firma, my mind works feverishly to recall the views from the top. Alas, mental pictures and camera images fail to capture the soul of this location. Perhaps that's what I find so alluring about the tower; when I stand atop it, my thoughts meander from the past to the future, but these reflections always return to the present while I bask in the sheer beauty of the moment.