"spirit for adventure" - Stanford--What should your roommate know?

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

Well roomie, let me just start by saying that you are in for a wild ride. Have you ever had one of those frustrating friends who, regardless how much you beg them not to, will force your hand up along with theirs to volunteer for those embarrassing games they have at pep rallies? Not just any game, either. The really embarrassing one where you must search for some tiny object, in a pie tin full of whipped cream, with your hands tied behind your back, in front of the entire school. You hate that friend for it at first, but then after you are laughing together playing that ridiculous game, it turns out to be fun. Well, yeah, that friend is me. Do not be afraid, though, because from my experience I have learned that those embarrassing games are actually tons of fun. I am not the type of person to sit back and watch, but the type of person to go out there and make memories―even it it means a face full of whipped cream.

My spirit for adventure gives me a tendency to want to try EVERYTHING. I am a very active person with a passion for getting involved within my school and the community. I am also known for recruiting others to join things along with me, so I hope you like to be involved too. In high school, I actually recruited a few friends to join the swim team who had barely swam a day in their lives. They eventually grew to love the sport just as much as I do. I know how fun and rewarding it can be to try new things, and I have a tendency to convince others to join me in the fun. You might be a little annoyed by my outgoing attitude at first, but if you give me a chance, together we will make so many memories. Well, roomie, I cannot wait to meet you and I hope you are ready to make some of the best memories of our lives. I know I am!

All comments and criticism welcome! Please help!

I think your essay is good. You do a good job of portraying your active character to the reader - I can feel your personality. I'm not sure if it's their intention that your essay is directed at your hypothetical future roommate, but I do think that adds to the impact of the essay.

I'd say, good job with this, and good luck getting in at Stanford!

Well roomie, let me just start by saying that you are in for a wild ride. Have you ever had one of those frustrating friends who, regardless how much you beg them not to, will force your hand up along with theirs to volunteer for those embarrassing games they have at pep rallies? preceding sentence seems to be too long. Breaks the flow of the essay

I am a very active person with a passion for getting involved within my school and the community. I am also known for recruiting others to join things along with me, so I hope you like to be involved too. In high school, I actually recruited a few friends to join the swim team who had barely swam a day in their lives. Redundant use of " recruited." Replace one with another word.

Pros: Vernacular Language makes the essay seem personal and your voice is carried through.
Cons: Instills a jovial atmosphere.

I like the loosenes of your essay. On the other hand, this looseness might be a bit too much. Rememeber, you are not writing to an actual roomate but to the people at Stanford's Admission Center.

But this is just my opinion as a International, so you do not take it too seriously.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could find time to look at my Stanford essay as well:
Good Luck

I think you want to be informal for your roommate, but also keep it somewhat official. I agree with what Foreigner says..it may be a little too loose. You want to make your roommate excited and curious to meet you, not worried about living with some crazy, nonstop off the roof person.

Overall, very original and great idea!