Prompt: If you could change one thing about your community, what would it be and why? 500 word limit
Please critique my essay with whatever you feel that enhance my essay.
Step 1: Greet some friends.
Step 2: Plug in earphones
Step 3: Play music and wait until class starts
That was my normal morning routine upon entering school. That seemed to be the norm as everyone followed that exact same morning routine. Our school policy states that we are allowed to use our cell phones while eating lunch, switching classes, and during class at the teacher's discretion, so of course, whenever given the opportunity, we would all gladly pick our cell phones. Walking to class, sitting at the lunch table, even during free time, people had out their phones either listening to music or on Facebook, Twitter, or some other form of social media and of course my actions were no different.
Until recently, I never gave my actions and the actions of those around me a second thought. We were all used to passing time on our phones instead of conversing so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But this year, a new girl moved into town. She came from the bustling town of Trenton, New Jersey and brought with her a new perspective. For the first week of school, she asked daily why our school was so quiet, and each time, I would put my phone down and open my mouth and say, "That's just how things are here." She would go on and say how at her school, friends actually talked to each other and were not so immersed in their phones and that her school was so full of energy. After a week of her saying this, I decided to not use my phone for one day and just observe how we interacted. To my surprise, she was one-hundred percent correct; we were so anti-social. We would move in herds like wildebeests not looking forward but down at our phones. We would greet each other with one word greetings then glue our eyes right back to our phones.
This is what I wish would be changed. I want to experience the same camaraderie that the new girl experienced back in her old school. I would change the anti-social climate of our school and the phone policy. We need to communicate in order to build and strengthen relations, but how can we build our relations if we are too busy refreshing our Instagram feeds. We complain that school is like a jail because we are so restricted and yet we restrict our own freedom to our cell phones. I want this to change in our school. I want my friends to enjoy each other's company and not be so obsessed with a trending video.
Please critique my essay with whatever you feel that enhance my essay.
Step 1: Greet some friends.
Step 2: Plug in earphones
Step 3: Play music and wait until class starts
That was my normal morning routine upon entering school. That seemed to be the norm as everyone followed that exact same morning routine. Our school policy states that we are allowed to use our cell phones while eating lunch, switching classes, and during class at the teacher's discretion, so of course, whenever given the opportunity, we would all gladly pick our cell phones. Walking to class, sitting at the lunch table, even during free time, people had out their phones either listening to music or on Facebook, Twitter, or some other form of social media and of course my actions were no different.
Until recently, I never gave my actions and the actions of those around me a second thought. We were all used to passing time on our phones instead of conversing so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But this year, a new girl moved into town. She came from the bustling town of Trenton, New Jersey and brought with her a new perspective. For the first week of school, she asked daily why our school was so quiet, and each time, I would put my phone down and open my mouth and say, "That's just how things are here." She would go on and say how at her school, friends actually talked to each other and were not so immersed in their phones and that her school was so full of energy. After a week of her saying this, I decided to not use my phone for one day and just observe how we interacted. To my surprise, she was one-hundred percent correct; we were so anti-social. We would move in herds like wildebeests not looking forward but down at our phones. We would greet each other with one word greetings then glue our eyes right back to our phones.
This is what I wish would be changed. I want to experience the same camaraderie that the new girl experienced back in her old school. I would change the anti-social climate of our school and the phone policy. We need to communicate in order to build and strengthen relations, but how can we build our relations if we are too busy refreshing our Instagram feeds. We complain that school is like a jail because we are so restricted and yet we restrict our own freedom to our cell phones. I want this to change in our school. I want my friends to enjoy each other's company and not be so obsessed with a trending video.