Please help me out with commenting/adding/deleting anything feel free to fix whatever you feel that is right, I need to submit this essay.
Engineers have sometimes been stereotyped as "nerds" or "geeks." Do you embrace or reject that stereotype? Why?
The word "nerds" and "geeks" are both applied to people that are known in society for being anti-social and very smart people. As people emphasize it that they are very "geeky" or "nerdy" looking people, that they wear glasses and have nerdy clothes on. Well, I strongly reject that kind of stereotype because it is not a way to judge people just by their appearance or their looks. I have met and experienced some people that are straight A's students, nose in a book, super smart people and as well as outgoing and are socializing with everyone. Many smart famous people had invented things, all they did was researches, and work all day and did not have time to socialize with people so being smart comes with purposes and being productive. I think that smart people just do not have time to socialize and interact with people so everyone thinks that they are anti-social. In fact, it is just a matter of equalizing your time with everything; social time, study time, sleeping time etc. I have learned that from my best friend, she is also pursuing Electrical Engineering in University of Southern California and she is the one who motivated me into considering this without any stereotypes.
Hello,
I like the topic and I think that you have a good start. However, I have a few suggestions:
You are somewhat informal in the way you describe nerds and geeks, utilizing a "train of thought" writing style that, in my opinion, could be better utilized without coming across as too informal. For example, the following sentence:
"I have met and experienced some people that are straight A's students, nose in a book, super smart people and as well as outgoing and are socializing with everyone."
Could be made more concise and formal in this way:
"I have met so-called "nerds" - the straight A's students, the bookworms, generally super smart people - who are, contrary to the stereotypical anti-social nerd, outgoing and sociable with just about everyone."
Likewise, be aware of verb tenses and run-on sentences. For example, the following sentence is grammatically incorrect:
"I have learned that from my best friend, she is also pursuing Electrical Engineering in University of Southern California and she is the one who motivated me into considering this without any stereotypes."
I would suggest:
"My views of nerds and geeks have been shaped by my best friend, an Electrical Engineering student at USC, who motivated and influenced me by breaking the stereotypes that typically define her and those like her."
Good luck!
What do you mean by the train of thought? could you help me change it to being more formal please?
If you really want it to be more formal you could take out the run-ons and possibly add examples instead of smart people and other generalizations
Hello again,
By "train of thought" I mean that your essay seems to be written in a way that resembles your internal thought processes rather than in a more formal, linear manner. While train of thought writing can be great if utilized within a context that benefits from the style, I suggest that you use a more traditional voice for the purpose of an application essay.
The following suggestions are just my opinion and I recommend that you use these suggestions as examples rather than necessary changes:
The word "nerds" and "geeks" are both applied to people that are known in society for being anti-social and very smart people.
Try to be more abrupt and less summarizing, catch the attention of the reader.
"Nerd. Geek. Dweeb. These are the words used to describe a group of individuals, usually very bright, whose passions and interests oftentimes belie their true abilities in the eyes of a society that unfairly stereotypes them as aloof and anti-social."
As people emphasize it that they are very "geeky" or "nerdy" looking people, that they wear glasses and have nerdy clothes on. Well, I strongly reject that kind of stereotype because it is not a way to judge people just by their appearance or their looks.
Avoid run-on sentences and organize your thoughts in a way that clearly demonstrates what you are trying to say.
"The terms "nerdy" and "geeky" can describe one's interests, sense of fashion (or lack thereof), or personality, but I strongly reject such labels. The fact is that people are too complex and multifaceted to be so easily stereotyped into a single overlying group when, in reality, the individuals that comprise that group have little in common except for a shared interest in the pursuit of knowledge and learning."
Refer to my notes in my previous post for the remainder of the essay.
In terms of content, I suggest that you focus more on yourself and less on other individuals. I did not learn much about you as a person and I think that you have the opportunity to express your interests and beliefs using this topic. Are you a nerd? Do you relish or loathe this designation? How has it shaped and affected your studies? Etc.
Hopefully this was all clear. Good luck and feel free to let me know if you want further explanation.
Thank you so much AR Stewart you were a great help!
I have another essay to write about, it's something similar to this but it's another question that I have to answer with a paragraph.
I don't have any ideas what to write I need help in that do you think you can help me with it?
DinoSawyer thanks for the comment, will do add some examples.