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Storytelling and Media Class - COLLEGE ESSAY



iSasha 8 / 11  
Oct 28, 2015   #1
Does anyone have some constructive criticism for this essay?

Describe when and how you became interested in art, design, writing, architecture, or the particular major to which you are applying. Describe how this interest has manifested itself in your daily life. The essay should be 250-500 words or two pages maximum.

My entire life was always consumed by story telling. Growing up, my grandmother and grandfather from Panama would present me with multiple books every time I visited them, and in some instances, my grandmother would even write books herself that were about me. My grandmother has been an enormous influential figure to me when it comes to writing because she is a famous journalist and author in Panama. When I was young, I did not realize that my true passion for writing and coming up with stories rose from spending so much time with her. Without realizing, I would imagine complicated and intricate stories about every thing around me, and before I knew it I began writing down all those crazy stories down on paper. In elementary school I dabbled a bit with writing, and it was not until I was in middle school that I began taking writing as a serious hobby. I joined a writing website where it allowed young writers to write and publish their stories online for other users to read. I immediately became invested in the website and would write on it every day after school. I consider Middle School as my 'prime time' for when it came to writing because my whole life during those years revolved around planning and writing books. In 8th grade I won a writing contest for my short story about a Nazi officer falling in love with a Jewish woman, and upon gaining that type of recognition I realized I had the potential to start writing stories for a living. Entering high school changed that idea for me. I no longer had the time to write stories like I used to, and I was getting a tougher case of 'writers block' every day. I thought all hope was lost for me when it came to being the story teller I once was until for a class project I had to create a music video about an American event. Once I began editing the video and realizing how stupendous the video came out once I finished editing it, I gained immense pride knowing that this video was created by my idea, by my rules, and by my editing. For the next few years, I would plan multiple music videos and short films that would involve my friends, just because I wanted to. This year, my last year in high school, I was enrolled in my schools Media Class, where we learn all about the filming industry, and I realized that even though I do not write as extensively as before, I can incorporate my writing skills into my filming skills, ultimately creating a story, no matter whether it is on paper or on film. Nowadays I spend my time creating multiple storyboards for upcoming projects in my film class, watching as many movies as I can to intensely analyze them, and daydreaming about the possibilities of gaining the opportunity to project my stories onto film one day.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 28, 2015   #2
Sasha, the essay that you wrote is a bit confusing. Which of the two majors are you writing about? Are you interested in a literary career or multimedia development? You seem to have two majors in mind for this essay. AS far as I can tell from the prompt, you should be concentrating on the development of only one major. I suggest that you review your essay and revise it to better showcase your chosen major. Right now, there is a lack of focus regarding that aspect.

Another factor that makes the essay seemingly unfocused is the current format that you have it in. You are discussing all of your topics in a single paragraph. That is a big no-no when you are writing an academic essay. Specially when writing an application essay with such exacting requirements. The separation of topics by paragraph allows you to not only properly represent your discussion before the reviewer, but it also offers a cleaner looking page when first seen. It is important that you separate the topics because when you discuss something in a straight manner such as this, you don't allow the reviewer enough time to process the information he is reading. It makes the essay forgettable even if you present memorable information in it.

As a storyteller, you might be facing a bit of a block while writing this essay. Just remember to focus on one thought. Choose the major you really feel you will be pursuing and then concentrate on developing that. If it is storytelling through multimedia, then reduce the focus on your pen and paper development as a storyteller and focus on the future filmmaker that you see yourself becoming :-)
OP iSasha 8 / 11  
Oct 29, 2015   #3
Thank you so much for your help - with the stress of senior year, I have not been able to clearly write my thoughts down when it comes to college essays. I want to major in media arts but I want to state in my essay that the reason I became interested in film was because I was so interested in writing. Is there any way I can do that without making my reader confused about which major I want? Also, my teacher has told me about the separate paragraphs and I was planning on doing that, this is just a REALLY rough draft :-)
rosemaryyy 2 / 4  
Oct 29, 2015   #4
So do I. Your essay's topic is broad and i also think that you should focus on either your writing skill or your curiosity about films, i don't know :) but the language you used in your essay is interesting and it made me want to read much more. If you work on it and norrow down your topic a bit, im sure that it will be a great essay :)
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 29, 2015   #5
Well Sasha, I can understand why you have a confusing essay at this point then :-) However, you should feel good about the fact that you have gotten over the toughest part of writing this essay. You actually have a draft to correct at this point, so revising and finalizing the essay will be much easier for you to accomplish already. Let me see if I can help you out with your problem.

So what we need to do is somehow explain to the reviewer that you are interested in a multimedia career due to your previous interest in writing. Hmm... I think we can somehow spin that with some clarity. Let me have a go at it will you? It'll just be an example for you to base your future revisions on :-) Sometimes, being too close to the prompt prevents you from thinking clearly, so another pair of eyes or another brain working on it can actually help you out. So, here is my take on the opening paragraph:

Have you ever had an idea that you just needed to get out of your head but could not find the most proper way to do so? I often found myself in that position. I had a brain brimming over with stories that needed to be shared with the world. So, it was only logical for me to pick up the pen, so to speak, and let the words flow. Words that I shared on an online platform. However, I was not immune to writer's block. So, I needed to find another avenue to help ease the creativity that occupied my brain. Yes, my writer's block was caused not by a lack of ideas, but by the fact that words were no longer sufficient to tell my story. It was having to face up to my writer's block that led me to video story telling.

From that point, you can start discussing how you learned to edit videos, maybe offer up information about being a Youtube creator or something. You will be able to properly develop the background of your interest and its manifestation in your daily life. I hope my suggestion helps uncork the mental block you have at the moment :-) Otherwise, let me know what I can do to help .
OP iSasha 8 / 11  
Oct 29, 2015   #6
Honestly, this was exactly what I needed to read. I struggled coming up with how to introduce my passion for film that came from my passion for writing and your example propmt gave me a clear understanding of how I should word it. Thank you so much, your advice was extremely helpful. I am going to re-write the essay and have it done hopefully by Friday. Is there any way you could read the edited version once I finish it?
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 29, 2015   #7
Hi Sasha, take your time in revising your essay. As long as your deadline for submission is still far, you should make sure to come up with the best essay possible for the prompt. Rushing it won't do you any good. I know you are a born writer :-) So use that talent that you have to come up with the best version of the essay that you can. Expect to write about 3 or more versions of the essay. I'll be here to lend an assist whenever you need it.

As for having me review the new version of the essay, just make sure that you post the revised version in this thread so that I can get a notification about it. I can review it from here. I'm sorry but we are not allowed to communicate with you in any other form so the public postings will have to suffice. The others here can also chime in with their own suggestions that might also help improve your essay :-)

Remember, just refer to your writing days as quickly as possible, then concentrate on the multimedia aspect of your story telling. Don't waste the reviewer's time with background information. That won't really help keep him interested in your essay. Good luck! I'll be on stand by with an assist for you :-)


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