Struggling to Answer - UBC Personal Profile question - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WHY

I am hoping to submit an application to UBC for first round offers, which means I have to submit it by December 1st. I am really struggling to answer the Personal Profile questions without sounding too boring or too boastful. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

What is important to you? And why?

(maximum 250 words)

I have always been quite shy and eager to please. Trying to do as much as I could, I believed that more was better. I cared too much about appearing perfect and would spread myself too thin in an attempt to prove that I was strong, when really I was too scared to accept that I was hurting myself. The line between determination or passion and being stubborn was too blurred, and I refused to accept that. I took anything that was not perfect as a failure and it was only when the failures became the norm that I was willing to admit I needed help. Over time I limited my participation in clubs to those I truly cared about and I was finally able to allow myself to switch from IB Diploma to Certificate. I felt weak and cowardly until I started to think about how I would never dare think this way about other people. Through applying the optimism and kindness I granted everyone else to myself I was able to accept failures as opportunities for learning and growth. Focusing on what I cared about most allowed me to better commit myself to causes important to me and hone the skills I needed. The thing that I am most proud of is not something I can look at it nor something that everyone will recognize; it is not an award but rather an achievement. The thing that I am most proud of is my ability to change.

@nsliwa
Hello. Good luck with your application! I hope that my feedback helps you somehow.

Firstly, let me address the fact that you shouldn't necessarily be too conscious when answering these types of essays. Remember that they do actually want you to talk about your experiences, therefore it wouldn't come off as boastful even if you tried hard.

From the looks of it, your writing is very well-written. You were able to beautifully knit together your experiences without being too overbearing for the evaluators. In hindsight, I do think that you could have improved your writing a bit more if you focused more on what that transition from IB Diploma to Certificate meant. Tackle it more in its technical level to give evaluators a better idea on what you are trying to mention in the text.