study abroad in japan--buddhist art and neuroscience???

Okay so the program I'm applying for is very short (less than a month) and focuses on japanese art & religion. We will "explore the artistic and religious culture of Japan's mountains and ancient capitals and walk the World Heritage ancient pilgrimage mountain route from A to B" I'm basically worried my essay is way to short, disjointed, and unfocused and I have no idea how to make a nice ending :-(

Please write a short response (of 500- 1000 words) answering the following questions. In your response, consider what strengths you might bring to the program and why the program to which you are applying would want to have you along as a student and member of the group.

- why did you pick this program in particular?
- how does this program suit your academic goals?
- how does this program suit your personal interests?
- in what ways will you contribute to the a) academic, b) cultural and c) group experiences?
- what do you hope to learn and gain from this experience?

I am interested in this program because it sounds like an amazingly unique opportunity to experience the culture and religion of Japan and also appreciate the country's natural beauty. While this program will fulfill some of the requirements for my minor in Japanese, the benefits of this experience would extend far beyond just sharpening my Japanese language skills and receiving a few credits. I haven't had the opportunity to travel outside of the United States yet and I feel that this program will afford a great occasion to raise my global awareness and engage different perspectives. I have always admired Japan's syncretistic treatment of religion and would love to learn more about its foundations first-hand. As an inquisitive person by nature, I am constantly driven to explore and learn new things from the people who surround me and in turn share what I have mastered with my peers. Throughout my life, I have cultivated a desire to both understand and connect with other cultures and their customs, especially Japan's; I harbor a profound respect for these things and am confident that I can impart my feelings of wonder on others.

As a neurobiology major, I am interested in art on a cognitive level and I feel that I can offer a novel perspective to the aesthetic experience of the group. I am also fascinated about the neurological basis of belief and spirituality; I hope to use this experience to further fuel my curiosity. I have read scientific papers that detail the neural mechanisms through which the esoteric rituals of Buddhism-especially meditation and the mudras-can effect neuroplasticity in the brain, even at advanced ages, but I would also like to come to understand these disciplines from a more holistic approach.

My all time favorite hobby is hiking, and while I love the pristine beauty of X State's trails, I am excited to see how it compares to the natural heritage of Japan. something about harmony and spirituality and discovering my own identity? and art

I suggest you to make this a little bit more formal. Use the name of the program rather than "this program" and "it sounds like" sounds very conversational.

Woo wee, this is a big adverb stunt... hmmm, I guess, I guess it is alright! I am surprised, but it really sounds alright. Usually when you use a big adverb and an adjective it ends up sounding silly, but this is pretty good.

afford a great occasion to ----- I don't know, I think this one is sort of cliche... like, "afford me the opportunity... let's not use "afford"

...to raise my global awareness ---- this is too vague, I think it should say something specific, like, help me improve my Japanese. :-) Raising global awareness is good, but it is ABSTRACT, and abstract things, though cool, can make an essay vague and ill-defined.

More abstraction... all this below is what I think of as "fluff." It doesn't mean anything to say you are inquisitive by nature. I might say the same thing about myself. It is better to SHOW something about yourself: you are unique in your interest in Japan!

As an inquisitive person by nature, I am constantly driven to explore and learn new things from the people who surround me and in turn share what I have mastered with my peers. Throughout my life, I have cultivated a desire I am determined to both understand and connect with other cultures and their the customs and spirituality of Japan; I harbor ...

I don' know if harbor is a good word. We say harbor resentment or harbor a criminal, but we "feel a sense of" profound respect for these phenomena things and am confident that I can impart my feelings of wonder on others.

:-)