Please let me know if the essay needs more emotion or anything else! Be as critical as you can!
Common App Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Who was I supposed to go to now when I had an argument with my mom? He promised me that he was going to teach me everything he knew about computer science when I turned thirteen; who was going to do that now? Who was going to take us out for donuts every Sunday as an "end of the week celebration"? As trivial as these questions may seem, these were the thoughts going through my mind while my father was dying in the ICU. It felt as though a promise was being broken, an unspoken promise that he would be there to guide me into the highlights of my life. In less than nine months after his diagnosis, his stage four non-Hodgkin lymphoma had taken his life and his presence was replaced by his portrait that sits in the corner nook of our kitchen counters.
Prior to my father's diagnosis, it never crossed my mind just how crippling cancer is to patients and their families. During and after his treatments, small things I had taken for granted such as hugging or sitting next to him had suddenly become impossible because of his impaired immune system; I had started to cultivate a heavy aversion for the disease. In an effort to educate unaffected peers at my high school, I co-founded the Cancer Awareness Club, which aimed to increase local support for cancer patients and the organizations that were actively working towards combating cancer. Whether it be through crafting and selling origami cranes to raise funds for the American Cancer Society, distributing cancer awareness paraphernalia from various organizations to grocery shoppers, inviting survivors to speak during our school assemblies and club meetings, or sharing our personal experiences, I have continually striven to connect my club's support to the greater community.
I couldn't stop just there- it was undoubtedly evident that there was a larger community in need of help. So I took on the role of Team Leader for my school at all regional Relay for Life events in the San Diego county, involving myself with the organizational process of each event. Because I was able to interact with many others directly affected by cancer, I sensed a prevailing frustration at the disease and a shared determination to eradicate the disease from their lives, the same sentiments that constantly strengthen my resolve to become an oncologist.
When I started the Pathmaker internship at my local hospital, I was overcome with anxiousness arising from the striking similarity of the hospital to the hospital my father was treated in. However, during my first shift, I had become so immersed in the work that the physicians, nurses, and patients were having me do that I didn't have an opportunity to let myself reflect back on the memories I believed had scarred me. It was the experience I had always hoped for: taking vitals, witnessing surgeries, learning the patients' stories; it was the ultimate confirmation that nothing could hold me back from the healthcare field.
My accomplishments with the cancer community during high school have altered the way that I view my father's battle. His memory now fuels my inspiration to fight alongside cancer patients for the rest of my life and serves as a constant reminder that my future is, in no way, scarred by the past. Over the past few years, I have endeavored to expand my involvement in the fight against cancer from my school to the entire San Diego community. Based on this experience, I am confident that my next steps in life will eventually lead to the opportunity to play a direct role, as a medical profession in the global fight against cancer. When that day arrives, I hope to be the person that many others in my father's situation could see as a glimmer of hope during times that seem completely devoid of it. (644)
Common App Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Who was I supposed to go to now when I had an argument with my mom? He promised me that he was going to teach me everything he knew about computer science when I turned thirteen; who was going to do that now? Who was going to take us out for donuts every Sunday as an "end of the week celebration"? As trivial as these questions may seem, these were the thoughts going through my mind while my father was dying in the ICU. It felt as though a promise was being broken, an unspoken promise that he would be there to guide me into the highlights of my life. In less than nine months after his diagnosis, his stage four non-Hodgkin lymphoma had taken his life and his presence was replaced by his portrait that sits in the corner nook of our kitchen counters.
Prior to my father's diagnosis, it never crossed my mind just how crippling cancer is to patients and their families. During and after his treatments, small things I had taken for granted such as hugging or sitting next to him had suddenly become impossible because of his impaired immune system; I had started to cultivate a heavy aversion for the disease. In an effort to educate unaffected peers at my high school, I co-founded the Cancer Awareness Club, which aimed to increase local support for cancer patients and the organizations that were actively working towards combating cancer. Whether it be through crafting and selling origami cranes to raise funds for the American Cancer Society, distributing cancer awareness paraphernalia from various organizations to grocery shoppers, inviting survivors to speak during our school assemblies and club meetings, or sharing our personal experiences, I have continually striven to connect my club's support to the greater community.
I couldn't stop just there- it was undoubtedly evident that there was a larger community in need of help. So I took on the role of Team Leader for my school at all regional Relay for Life events in the San Diego county, involving myself with the organizational process of each event. Because I was able to interact with many others directly affected by cancer, I sensed a prevailing frustration at the disease and a shared determination to eradicate the disease from their lives, the same sentiments that constantly strengthen my resolve to become an oncologist.
When I started the Pathmaker internship at my local hospital, I was overcome with anxiousness arising from the striking similarity of the hospital to the hospital my father was treated in. However, during my first shift, I had become so immersed in the work that the physicians, nurses, and patients were having me do that I didn't have an opportunity to let myself reflect back on the memories I believed had scarred me. It was the experience I had always hoped for: taking vitals, witnessing surgeries, learning the patients' stories; it was the ultimate confirmation that nothing could hold me back from the healthcare field.
My accomplishments with the cancer community during high school have altered the way that I view my father's battle. His memory now fuels my inspiration to fight alongside cancer patients for the rest of my life and serves as a constant reminder that my future is, in no way, scarred by the past. Over the past few years, I have endeavored to expand my involvement in the fight against cancer from my school to the entire San Diego community. Based on this experience, I am confident that my next steps in life will eventually lead to the opportunity to play a direct role, as a medical profession in the global fight against cancer. When that day arrives, I hope to be the person that many others in my father's situation could see as a glimmer of hope during times that seem completely devoid of it. (644)
