Essay about my superhero in my childhood, which was my mother

hi it's my essay about the most important person in my childhood.

Sometimes in life ...

thanks,nilay

how to make this essay better?

Sometimes in life you meet people that could change all life (This is an awkward ending to your sentence).A movie star, a famous poet, a teacher or a friend can make difference. The person who had been influenced my life was not a movie star was not famous,she simply had the most important job in the world,she was a mother.She is my mother.When I first met her she welcomed me with a big hug.

To me she is the most beautiful women,I have ever seen.She is in her middle fourties. She has got curly black hair which is quite long.She has brown-almond shapes eyes.

My mother is my (passive) my best friend, my teacher and my listener. Her children and family are the most important things in her world.She becomes a fighter for her children, family. She is very helpful, she is in charge of a private charity association which helps many families. It assists with habitat,education for poor children and health.

She is a very strong woman who is a wonderful mother , wife and doctor in the same time. She works in a hospital in the morning and she goes to another clinic in the afternoon. And in the evening she cares of us and home. She is very stubborn and ambitious but it affects her life.She damages herself and I must admit she is very successful.

The reason I make good choices is because of her. I know she cares for me and is going to do her best she can do. She is always there for me when I need her. She helps me with all the problems that I have. She had the most influence because she loves me,cares about me, consistently, openly and without regret since the day I was born.

In conclusion, I am very blessed to have an amazing,wonderful mother because everybody cannot have that kind of mother. I am a lucky one.

Hey! So picking you're mother was a very good decision because it a mother is a strong topic that everyone can relate to. You should make sure you really capture who your mother is. Do her looks really matter(nothing offensive) to who she is as a person. And maybe instead of listing all the things she is, take one of them and elaborate extensively as an example. You use parallel structure really well throughout the essay, but sometimes you're sentences structure suffers because of that. Make sure you mix it up, use some simple sentences, some complex, some compound, and some compound-complex sentences. It will really make your essay a lot more readable and exciting.

Also, in your conclusion it would be a lot stronger if talk a bit more about how not everyone has a mother, instead of focusing on you being lucky. Use the overall meaning of your essay, that you have a great mother to draw the conclusion that not everyone has one, and therefore she is your superhero. :)

Good luck and good job! :)

thanks for your comments=)
I will change some sentences with your suggestion but I think some sentences are false ?

please help,I have an exam tomorrow:(

Sometimes in life youwe meet people that could change all lifeour lives . A movie star, a famous poet, a teacher or a friend can make difference. The person who had beenhas influenced my life wasn't is not even a movie star wasn't famous.S he simply had(She does not have that job anymore? If she does then you should use present tense) the most important job in the world, she was(is?) a mother.She is my mother. When I first met her she welcomed me with a big hug.

To me she is the most beautiful woma n,I have ever seen.

She is a very strong woman who is a wonderful mother, wife and doctor at the same time.

And in the evening she cares of us and home. (You should change this sentence. It sounds awkward)
She is very stubborn and ambitious but it affects her life. She damages herself.and I must admit she is very successful.(There is no connection between sentences)

The reason why I make good choices is because of her.

In conclusion, I am very blessed to have an amazing, wonderful mother because everybody cantnot many people have that kind of mother.I am the lucky one.

I also agree with Teddi about the content of the essay

Bol sans : )

teşekkür ederim =)

I try to chance the content of the essay but I Don t hope I have enough time :/

Ne tur bi sinav bu bu arada ? Lise ? ( Sorry admins for writing in different language. It is just a part of help )

malesef:/
It is a part of exam :(

You mention same things about your mother in almost every para. You can write about some experiences you had with your mother as well. ( Genel olarak cumlelerin birbirine benziyo. Kucukken annenle yasadigin seylerden bahsedebilirsin. Ayni dogrultuda gidiyo cumlelerin. Ingilicenin agirlikli olmadigi bi okul icin gayet basarili ama daha kapsamli bi yazi yazman bekleniyosa biraz daha genisletebilirsin )

thanks again ,I am trying to improve.(cümle kurdukça hata yapmaktan korkuyorum:/ :)

You write whatever you can think of, and there will be people help you to edit ( Sen aklina geldigi gibi yaz sorun degil hata cok olsa da duzeltmeye calisiriz. Zamanin yoksa yeni bi essay yazmak icin yine de bu sitede bir suru kisi yazi stilini gelistirmene yardimci olabilir. Odev icin olmasa da zevk icin yazip hatalarini gorursun )

One comment I'm not sure you addressed (but then maybe this has been communicated to you in your language by others) is what is the best and worse trait you have "inherited" from your mother. The essay should be about YOU - and how your mother shaped you to be the unique persona you are. It isn't about how good of a mother she is.

Specifically, did she inspire you to be a leader or a doctor (you write only about her accomplishments, not their influence on you in these 2 excerpts:)

1) "She is very helpful, she is in charge of a private charity association which helps many families. It assists with habitat,education for poor children and health."

2) She is very helpful, she is in charge of a private charity association which helps many families. It assists with habitat,education for poor children and health.

3) She damages herself (DO YOU MEAN SHE WORKS TOO HARD AND THIS AFFECTS HER HEALTH? and I must admit she is very successful. IS SHE A ROLE MODEL FOR YOU?? WOULD YOU FOLLOW HER EXAMPLE AND WORK TO THE DETRIMENT OF YOUR HEALTH?

The second example I wrote above should have been this one:

2) She is a very strong woman who is a wonderful mother, wife and doctor at the same time.

( didn't catch that the first example was repeated...)