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Undergraduate   Posts: 3

Talented students - Why us? California Lutheran University.


timus85 1 / -  
Dec 31, 2018   #1
Please help me edit my essay and give suggestion where I need to improve.My essay cant be more than 250 words.

a big fish in a small pond



Surfing through the internet I found about California Lutheran University, I found the activities that they do, the opportunity that they give to their students.

After reading the reviews and articles about the college I thought this University might be the one that I have been searching for. From the students on the campus, I learned that the campus is unbelievably beautiful and offers a wonderful learning environment. The professors are caring and willing to spend the extra time to help their students succeed the student life. I also learned that the class sizes are very small, allowing for more direct teacher-to-student interaction.

As an international student, I do have to live inside the school campus and learning that the school's dorms are good as new and have very good facilities like laundry rooms, TV lounges, games room, and many others to make the students feel like home.

Last but not the least Cal Lutheran University has given an opportunity to people that have talent and couldn't explore by not just helping them academically but also financially making their dream become a reality and I wish it also makes my dream into a reality.

I didn't apply in the world renounced colleges as I don't want to become a small fish in a big pond where no one knows me, I want to become a big fish in a small pond where everyone knows me by my name so, Cal Lutheran is the perfect university for me.
hellstein 2 / 3 1  
Dec 31, 2018   #2
I guess your essay is a bit generic. Since it's a "Why Us" question, you should point out specific facts about the university.
For example: "The professors are caring and willing to spend the extra time to help their students succeed the student life". This could be said to any university, don't you think? Also do not say "I didn't apply in the world renounced colleges". Although you are trying to make a point, it might seem offensive to the Admission Officer as you are acknowledging the fact that the university is not famous.
mmahtab10 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2019   #3
The essay has potential, but you still need to improve. I think the last sentence was difficult to read and understand. "... where everyone knows me by my name ". Here you could probably use your own name to make it bolder.



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