Test Your Memory Survey (UNC Research essay)

Carolina students conduct original research and work to solve the problems in almost every imaginable field. If you could spend a semester researching a specific topic or problem, what would you chose and why? (250 words)

For the past one and a half year, I have been working as a research volunteer in India Home, a non-profit organization, committed to provide services for seniors and people with special needs in a culturally sensitive environment. My role in this organization is to prepare material for the senior citizens on topics that pertain to this age group. An issue of growing importance in this age group is Alzheimer's disease. To increase the awareness of this disorder, India Home conducts workshops periodically for the seniors.

Over the summer, I had the opportunity of conducting two workshops. Working closely with the seniors, I observed that age has a significant effect on the memory capabilities of a person. In some of them, I could see the early symptoms of Alzheimer's, as they struggled to remember their own personal information.

I began to wonder what other factors would contribute to the Alzheimer. I initiated a project in the school to do a primary research to establish the correlation between the onset of Alzheimer's and variables such as race, age, ethnicity, family history and life experiences. I am planning to use a TYM questionnaire, developed by neurologists Jeremy Brown and George Pengas, on a group of people varying in age. Using statistical analysis to quantify the results and create a mathematical correlation, I hope to achieve an independent confirmation of the connection between the disease and the variables.

I believe this idea has a significantly larger potential than what can be delivered through a limited effort school project. With the resource comfort of the university and access to the faculty of the cognitive sciences department of UNC, this project has the potential to lend to a meaningful research outcome.

I need help with the essay overall. Is the subject I chose consistent with the question asked? I also need to reduce the total word count from 285 to 270ish. Any suggestions (global or local) is welcome. Thanks =]

I'm going to be honest with you because that's what you want: this really isn't an essay. There is no voice, you're just describing an idea, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART TO THIS QUESTION IS WHY? What you do isn't as important although you should also make this decription more personal, in depth while maintaing a voice as a writer, don't just write down a description. But more importnatly you answer the entire prompt basically in one sentence I believe this idea has a significantly larger potential than what can be delivered through a limited effort school project. This essay basically gives no insight as to whom you are as a person, and how you think even if you mention your experiment in such detail. Again WHY, WHY,WHy! That's the most important thing you absolutly must dedicate this essay to, you can describe your research in other parts of your application. Don't mean to be too harsh, I don't want to sound like a jerk, but remember colleg essay writing like this isn't the conventional writing, you have to reveal some inner qualities and characteristics about you, your voice must come thorugh and the best way to see this is to read good essays that do this, you can tell it when you see it.

Hey, it is very impressive that you have research methods already in mind for this. I think it is true that you might be able to improve it by discussing the reasons why it holds your interest... but you do discuss the reason why a little already... I really think this essay is quite impressive. They only allow you 250 words, so it has to be quick and to the point.

...committed to providing services...

...contribute to the advent of this disease .

Thanks guys! I wish I had more words to write. An suggestions on how to reduce the number of words?