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IELTS Cambridge Book 1, Test 1, Writing task 1 (Survey on education)

SaraOm 3 / 6 1  
Aug 25, 2021   #1

reasons for adults to study

The bar chart illustrates why adults study among 7 causes (interest in subject, to gain qualifications, helpful for current job, to improve prospects of promotion, enjoy learning/studying, to able to change jobs and to meet people) and the pie chart gives an idea on how adults think the money should be spent on education within employer, individual and taxpayer as percentages.

Overall most adults want to study because of the interest in subject whereas least percentage of adults choose to study with the intention to meet people. Regarding the cost in adult education, highest percentage of people think the individual should be accounted for most.

The highest percentage of adults which is 40% study due to the interest in subject while the only 9% choose to study to meet people. The second most popular reason to study is to gain qualifications that accounts for 38% and 22% of adults study because it is helpful for current job. Same amount of adults percentages (20%) study to improve prospectus of promotion and to enjoy learning while only 12% think the study gives a reason for the ability to change jobs.

The people participated on the survey think the 40% cost for education should be managed by the individual whereas, the rest should be shared among taxpayers and employers (25% and 35% respectively)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,846 4177  
Aug 27, 2021   #2
There is a slight eror in the way the pie chart is described in the summary overview. The pie chart indicates the idea regarding how the expenses for studies should be shared or shouldered by participants in the educational process. It is divided among the participants in terms of percentage to the shouldered. The trendign statement properly addresses connected considerations in every sentence. There is a clear demarcation between the reasons for study and division of expense. There is however, a problem with the discussion of each image in the report.

While the line graph indicators are well presented in the paragraph, the pie chart is the least developed even though it has enough information to warrant a complete presentation. The pie chart must be as well developed in the presentation so maybe, the writer should consider a better idea division per sentence to meet this requirement. It is something that will help show a thorough analysis and comparison consideration in the discussion, boosting the overall score in the process.
OP SaraOm 3 / 6 1  
Aug 27, 2021   #3
Noted, and thank you very much for the comment. Clearly identified my errors.

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