These three adventures... High School Senior English Class

I had a paragraph to write on my test about my summer reading book. Here are the directions and what I had written but she said to redo it and I need some help!

One paragraph essay

When you read the stories all at once, you realize one unusual plot recurs in "A Case of Identity," "The Speckled Band," and "The Copper Beeches." What is the central plot, and how does it manifest in each story?

Formal rules apply: no 1st and 2nd person, no contractions or slang.

These three adventures all share a similar and unusual plot together, and they all have someone identifying themselves as someone they are not. The central plot between the three is that there is always an unidentified person in each story. In "A Case of Identity," the step-father is posing as his daughter's boyfriend. This manifests itself in each story because something or someone is either hidden from the victims or the detectives. Another reoccurring plot that appears is the idea of money. For example, in "A Case of Identity," the reason the step-father is stopping the daughter from marrying is so that he can retain his share in the inheritance. These plots play a critical role throughout each story.

My teacher gave some suggestions: The topic is proof and she circled the sentence where I mentioned money. I went off subject when I mentioned that. I didn't answer the actual prompt itself either.

Do not repeat the word "identify". Replace it with a synonym.


--> what do you mean by the "idea of mony"? It looks odd to me. Suggestion: "Throughout the stroy the writer tried to show that thirst for money can overshadow everything"


--> I changed the structure of the sentence as the same structure was used for the previous sentence. Use various structures.


You mentioned some plots and to show how they manifest through the stroy, u used some examples. That is a good way, but I think you should not have used the phrases like "for example". In my opinion, you should say something general to show these plots do not belong to specific exsamples, while they are what the reader can feel at every sentence of the story.

Hope this helps,
Reza