"I tie my last knot," -Quilting: 150 Extracurricular Essay

I plan to use this for multiple schools, most of them ask to

"elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below" or something of that sort
150 words max

I tie my last knot, hoping that this time, each stitch and block will be perfect. Slowly opening my eyes, I mentally cheer myself upon seeing the beautiful hand- made quilt I had been working on for months. After my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I started _______, a non-profit, volunteer-run organization which makes and donates quilts to cancer patients. Since day one, quilting has challenged my perseverance: from the internal battle of choosing fabric colors to wrestling with sewing machines, making a quilt can be taxing. But for me, the fuzzy warm feeling I get from giving a quilt to a chemotherapy patient trivializes the lengthy quilting process. Today, _______ has distributed over one hundred quilts to cancer patients at local hospitals; I revel in the feeling of accomplishment from seeing a quilting project through, and bask in the pride associated with aiding those patients who need support.

I really like your essay, I think you stand out as a very nice and persistent person
If I had to change something though, I might add something that made the quilting seem a bit more YOU, like some particular detail you like to add, so it's less focused on the organisation. Also you might want to continue your mother's story

good luck!!!

Slowly opening my eyes, I immerse in the pleasure of admiring the beautiful hand-made quilt that took my time and soul for months.


Is this the reason you got into quilting or you were doing it before too? That point is not very clear.


These 3 sentences do not have a very good connection between each other. They seem to be independent from one another and that disturbs your flow.