Hey, people. I really need help with this essay! I think it is a little derivatiev but I am having trouble to make it miore engaging. Any advice is appreciated, and I will return the favor.
Essay prompt: "How did you learn about Vassar and what aspects of our college do you find appealing?"
"Vassar rejected to merge with Yale?!" I exclaimed when Mom told me this surprising information. Almost instantly, my astonishment was overcome by curiosity, yearning to learn more about the gutsy institution of Vassar. As I read more about Vassar on US News, Wikipedia and the school's official website, my feelings for her have developed beyond reverence, but an admiration and eagerness to become part of its community. I believe Vassar could be my match.
Vassar's allowing students' high level of academic freedom suits me perfectly. Ever since childhood, I evinced the sense of maturity, independence and unconformity beyond my age. At fifteen, I gave up the prerogative to study in the best comprehensive high school in Dongguan for attending the international college preparatory program of Global Assessment Certificate. While my excellence in academics convinced people that I could strive for world-renowned American universities, I was the only one in my class that applies for liberal arts colleges. I have always enjoyed thinking independently and making my own decisions. Therefore, Vassar's unconventional tenet of allowing students to design their own curricula captivates me. I grudge rushing into a major before figuring out my true calling in life and Vassar grants me the opportunity to explore my interests and potential in different academic fields: from Chemistry to Women's Studies, from Psychology to Art History, from Theatre to Urban Studies...
I adore the diversity of Vassar. With students from 31 countries and 46 states of America, the school itself is a salad bowl and a platform for cross-cultural communication. Growing up in Taipei, Taiwan and moving to Dongguan, China at the age of 11, I am shaped into a resilient, adaptable person who is confident in being able to contribute to Vassar's diversity. Apart from my basic duty of assisting other international students to cope with possible homesickness and culture shock, I have the ambition to help set up some more overseas exchange programs in China and Taiwan. I hope that Vassar students can have the chance to experience Chinese culture and I know that many Chinese and Taiwanese schools are willing to collaborate with American colleges. Just take my high school as an example, our Principal of International Studies showed a lot of interest when I mention my aspiration of establishing western-eastern cultural communication programs when I am in America and said she would assist me as much as possible.
I appreciate Vassar's dedication towards providing top-notch liberal arts education and I want to spread the greatness of Vassar to students in my first hometown of Taiwan and my second hometown of China. I notice that while the majority of Taiwanese and Chinese people are quite familiar with American national universities, very few of them had acquaintance with liberal arts colleges. They are somehow unaware of the tenet and the pursuit of a liberal arts education. Therefore, in my prospective future in Vassar, I hope to write periodic reviews on online forums such as Chinese Undergraduate in the United States to introduce liberal arts education with first-hand anecdotes to Taiwanese and Chinese students. With support from accommodating Vassar students and professors, we could open up a different perspective for Taiwanese and Chinese students when they are making their college choices.
Vassar has all I could and could not ask for in a college. While finding out about all the jubilance Vassar could offer, I seek to better myself in the hope of becoming an engaging presence among the diverse, vigorous Vassar community. I know I am the right match for Vassar.
I agree with alexh983's comment as well. In the part where you talk about your unconformity at a young age, I think you should show those with an anecdote from your childhood instead of just saying it. Also I really liked the part about you wanting to spread not only vassar but the idea of liberal arts colleges in china. I think the will appreciate the fact that even though it's a good fit for you you want vassar to be a good fit for others as well by spreading their name. I do find the vocabulary a little thesaurus ish. It's always a good trait to speak with intelligence ,but if those words arent in your normal vocabulary I'd throw them out, If they are keep them. Colleges try to get to know you through these statements and personally I don't use half of these words on a normal basis. Other than that I really like it, it's easy to paint a visual of you with this.