UC Transfer Prompt #1, Psychology Major

Hey guys,
I'd really appreciate any feedback you might have!

This is my first essay on the UC Prompt 1:

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

"I will be transferring as a third-year student, and realize that my decision to major in Psychology will be one of the most significant decisions in my adult life.

During my adolescent years I was very hyper-active had trouble communicating my thought. I would also lose my temper very quickly. My parents noticed my unusual behavior and decided that I should see a Child Psychologist. I went to see him for a period of about five month. In that time, all he did was give me prizes and random snacks while asking about my day. During those months, the psychologist was not able to improve my behavior in the slightest. It was at this time that my parents decided to take me to a much more reputable and specialized psychologist. My parents and I drove three hours to see this so-called specialist at his ranch. When we arrived, he immediately took me aside for questioning. He instantaneously diagnosed me with ADHD and recommended that I use one of their 'specially developed programs'. This program consisted of a pamphlet for me to read, one ear plug, and also a CD that contained many mathematical quizzes for me to complete. The instructions stated that I was to plug my left ear while answering the questions on the CD and to come visit him once a month. I did this for seven months; the only improvement my parents noticed was that I was able to remember up to ten characters at a time. I stopped the program as it was only adding to my frustration. I felt off balance with only one ear plug in, and it didn't help that I had to do more random exercises on top of my already full load of school work. Shortly after, I realized that both these so-called social workers weren't really in it to help me, but were out to help themselves. The programs and methods they prescribed to me were fruitless attempts to keep my parents cash flowing. It was at this time that I realized that there was nothing really wrong with me; I was just a spoiled brat that needed to come back down to reality and mature. It was also at this time that I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to be someone that could serve the public, someone that could help those that were like me, and assist them in finding their own problems and solutions. I wanted to be an authentic psychologist.

Further down the road, I found myself working at Fry's. At this point in my life, I was in my second year of community college, and had already taken a few psychology classes. One day, a customer I was assisting had become frustrated due to the prolonged length of time it took to process his transaction. The man proceeded to shout and slammed his hands against the counter. Having taken a Psychology 1 class before, I recognized that the customer could have been experiencing symptoms of an acute behavior disorder. The man had trouble expressing himself. He was frustrated and became angry as a result. I tried to alleviate the situation by apologizing to him and showed him that I was processing the transaction as swiftly and efficiently as possible. I also displayed very respectful and sociable behavior during this time. He calmed down significantly. This experience served to reinforce my goal to become a psychologist. It helped me realize that there are still many people in society with unsociable problems. I want to be one of those that can actually help those people, not just a person that says that they can help."

Thank you,
Jay

Oh, I understand your motivation for studying psychology. You experienced adversity as a child, and the psychologists did not really help you. You even found that some were unscrupulous. However, before losing your faith in psychology, you had a meaningful experience of observing a possible behavior disorder. In retrospect, perhaps those illegitimate psychologists from the ear plug program also experience maladies that cause their behavior! In a solid introductory paragraph, you should explain this process that gave rise to your interest in a psych major.

good luck!!

Thanks!
I actually totally re-wrote this section, I talked about the third child psychologist I met with, one that was actually knew what he was doing.

Prompt #1 (transfer applicants)
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

I sat on a plush couch in a tiny room that was overflowing with books. I didn't know why I was there, only that my mother always took me there every Wednesday after school. When I arrived, there would always the same man sitting behind the same desk, scribbling furiously in a notebook. He would always greet me cheerfully, and offer me a seat on that plush couch. On this particular day, he asked me. "Are you bored, Jay?" and I answered him truthfully; I wasn't bored. In fact, I was fascinated. I was fascinated by the little notes he took, amazed by the way he was able to tell me what I was thinking and how I was feeling, just by listening to me. I wanted to be able to do that too; I wanted to be able to know what people are thinking, just by listening to them speak. His abilities as a psychologist enraptured me and influenced my selection of psychology as my major.

In my second year of community college, I began taking psychology classes. After taking my first psychology class, I knew I wanted to become a psychology major. I assisted and acted in a short drama that students were conducting on campus. It was a film on the psychology of secrecy, love, jealously and affection. The film is still being shown in Professor Pham's Psychology 100 lecture as part of the curriculum.

As I learned more and more about psychology, I began to apply that knowledge to my daily life. In 2006, I worked at Fry's Electronics, a retail electronics store. In 2007, I was promoted to Customer Service Sales into the Returns Department. In this position, I was in constant contact with irate customers, and needed a way to keep them calm. In one instance, a customer became unreasonably frustrated at the amount of time it took to process his transaction. He shouted and slammed his hands against the table. As he was yelling, I recalled from my psychology lectures that the best method to calm anyone down is to stay calm and collected yourself. I applied these methods and kept a professional demeanor; I was amazed at how well it worked. After I finished his transaction, he apologized for his rude remarks and attitude. These experiences have increased my hunger to learn more about psychology, and have made me realize that psychology has and always will be an integral part of this fabric called society.

Nice! Now, maybe you should start with this paragraph:

In my second year of community college, I began taking psychology classes. After taking my first psychology class, I knew I wanted to become a psychology major. I assisted and acted in a short drama that students were conducting on campus. It was a film on the psychology of secrecy, love, jealously and affection. The film is still being shown in Professor Pham's Psychology 100 lecture as part of the curriculum.

Then, start the next paragraph by connecting your study of psych with your experience of it: I remember sitting on a plush couch in a tiny room...

Then you can come back to the present and tell how your psych class prepared you for the yelling customer... and how you are now certain that the psych program at [name of school] is the way to go!

However, only take that advice if it seems right to you. It is good this way, too.

Good luck!!

:)

Kevin

Ah thanks!

I actually submitted it already, a bit early just to make sure I was able to get it in... but i really appreciate your comments, and taking the time to read my essay!