"My trip to the museum" University of Virginia supplement- Early Action help

University of Virginia 250 words
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled or challenged you and in what way?

My mother and I walked past the big fountain through the large doors of the Honkan, the main gallery of the National
Museum in Tokyo that looked out of place in comparison to the city around us. I slowly began to adjust to the dimmer, but more relaxed interior lighting, growing calmer with every breath as the sounds of echoing slippers in the hall rang dominant in my ears. My mother and I walked through the various halls, and finally entered into a gallery of paintings from all periods of Japanese history. As I swept my eyes around the hall they suddenly focused on a drawing that beckoned me to take a closer look. The painting I remembered was an original copy of the Great Wave off Kanagawa, drawn by the Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai as part of his 36 Views of Mount Fuji series. I was unsettled by the drawing because of the way that Hokusai had depicted the ocean waves in the painting. The way the ocean waves seemed to have so much power over the boats and their fishermen that it made me rethink everything about the potential of nature's wrath and might. It made me think that maybe humankind isn't as all power as we assumed. And then I heard my mother's voice penetrating into my consciousness telling me to leave. And so as we left the exhibit I gave the painting one last fleeting glance before following my mother's soft footsteps away.

Thank you!!!!!

This essay has too much "fluff". You want to cut down on the introduction and descriptions and really focus on how the painting affected you.

"I was unsettled by the drawing because of the way that Hokusai had depicted the ocean waves in the painting."
This is much too literal of a response for the prompt, show, don't tell. If your message can be highlighted as a line within the essay, you should revise it.

I agree with capriciousprite, your essay has uncessary fluff. You should maybe include some analysis of the painting and relate it to your life. Your essay sounds more like a passage from a novel than an experience that changed you.

Is this better!

As my mother and I entered through the large doors of the Honkan, the main gallery of the National Museum in Tokyo, I slowly began to adjust to the dimmer interior lighting. The halls rang with the sounds of echoing slippers. When we entered into a gallery of paintings my eyes swept around the hall and suddenly focused on a drawing that beckoned for a closer look. The painting I remembered was an original copy of the Great Wave off Kanagawa, drawn by the Japanese artist Katsushika Kokusai as part of his 36 Views of Mount Fuji series. The drawing was intended to depict an ocean wave during a storm about to engulf a group of boats while the fishermen struggled to stay afloat at all costs. Looking at the painting I was surprised because I felt like Hokusai had put my life onto paper. Being raised in a traditional Chinese family I had always been held to a high standard by my parents. I was expected to be their perfect son smart in both sports and school. And so everyday felt like an eminent ocean wave was going to come and simply take me away. But after looking at how the fishermen continued to fight against the incoming wave with determination, it was like the painting telling me "If the fishermen can conquer this crisis then you can too. This is no such thing as impossible". And so I left the hall with a new born confidence in myself.