Why Tufts: On religions and compassions

WHY TUFTS:Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: "Why Tufts?" (Required length is 50-100 words)

On religions and compassions

I grew up with my Christian relatives in a Buddhist country. There isn't a Creator God in Buddhism. There isn't an endless cycle of life in Christianity. There are numerous clashes in belief between the two religions, but I observed that their irreconcilable foundations does not affect their mutual virtue: compassion. Buddhists develop their compassion to realize enlightenment, with no expectations of rewards. Christians develop their compassion as a commandment of God, to join him in heaven in their afterlife. Raised in both, I'm not bound by any rules: I'm taught to be kind and accepting without any reason. I'm also taught to be brave even when encountered with seemingly unopposable forces. Tufts declaring its support for undocumented students amidst the States' unstable political atmosphere is the kind of bravery and acceptance that I commit myself to. I'm not a Buddhist, not a Christian, but I don't really consider myself as an atheist, as I don't think the existence of a God should affect how we treat each other. I consider myself to be a Jumbo. (176 words)

This undocumented student support of Tufts is a recent development and I really like it. What do you guys think?
Thanks for your help!

Khoa, I feel that I must caution you against discussing American politics in this essay. The major reason that you should not do that is because the information that it delivers to the reviewer is incorrect. I assume that you will be going to the US to study or you are already in the US with the necessary documentation to remain there. In the manner of presentation that you currently have in the essay, you are admitting to being an undocumented student who will use Tufts to get around certain blocks to your remaining in the country. Please do not do that. Since you do not know what the next steps of the Trump administration will be regarding the immigration problem, regardless of what you hear on television or read in the paper, it is best to not make any reference to that.

Needless to say, you will have to develop a more proper response to the question. One that looks at the academic and social development that you can have at Tufts which enticed you to opt for a chance to enroll at the university. The current information that you have does not work for the prompt. It just sounds angry and ill advised.

Take a more conciliatory tone and focus on the more obvious reasons for choosing the university. Don't bring politics into the discussion. That is not going to be seen in a good light by the reviewer as you will be discussing a policy that you do not fully understand.

Oh I thought that was just a small piece of info that shows I'm keeping up with the school. Best leave it out then since I'm not going to be an undocumented student.

The academics at Tufts are written about so much already. I think what makes this school different from others is its liberal stuff (or is it the same too?). Do you have any advice on finding unique Tufts things?

Actually, I don't think I have mentioned the academic side of this school at all in my application (a supplemental essay about collective participation and another one about my newspaper), but I feel like many other students have discussed it. So should I focus completely on the social side?

Your response to this question can actually be made a bit more fun by focusing on the social side of the university. That is, if you really do not want to write about the academic side anymore because, as you said, it is just discussed to death already in your application. Some of the factors that I would probably discuss in this case would be, aside from the liberal "stuff" as you call it, the rich history of the university and the student experience while enrolled there. Topics like the "Excessively overdressed quad troll", the daily cannon, the candle lighting ceremony on the President's Lawn, and the weekly organic market, could all be a part of the social discussion as to why you chose to enroll at Tufts. So combine the social with the liberal, and your response should turn out to be one very entertaining discussion about your choice of universities.

No. don't focus solely on the social side. It would be best if your could present a balanced discussion of your decision based upon the social and academic offerings of the university. Keep in mind that the school that you have chosen to attend is not a party school. It is a formal academic institution that, although liberal in its educational stance, has very high expectations of its currently enrolled students. They study hard and play hard. So present that sort of balanced discussion. Discuss the subjects and professors you look forward to learning from, while also presenting the fun side of the campus that you wish to participate in. Reverse your presentation. Talk about the fun side of the university before you discuss the serious side. It has got to be 50 words each so choose one or two of each to use as a reference point in your essay in response to the prompt.

@Holt Can you edit the title for me please? Thanks

"Then definitely check out my school. We have one of the best International Relations programs in America, and you'll fit in just fine! There's something for everyone, and if there isn't you can start a new club. But we already have a Model United Nations and a Debate Society, so I doubt you'll need to. The only complaint I have is they don't let us run around naked anymore.", my teacher Hilary said.

Well, I don't mind being clothed in a Pizza Run instead. Tufts does have the best of both worlds. With a Globalizations concentration and a mud-sliding minor, I intend to make the best years of my life there.

My teacher Hilary is a Tufts alumna and she wrote a recommendation letter for me. I don't know if I should refer to her again for introducing me to Tufts. What do you think?

You can refer to your teacher in this essay because she wrote a recommendation letter for you. That will definitely help increase your chances for consideration. Having the alumna of the school recommend you tells the university that there is something about you that will benefit from a Tufts education. You have to adjust the way that you introduce the teacher though.

You can start off the paragraph by explaining how you were at a loss for schools to apply for overseas. Then you had a chat with Hillary (make sure you get the spelling of her name right as her name is spelled 2 ways in the U.S.). Indicate Hillary's complete name, her major and subsequent years of attending Tufts. The reviewer will definitely want to verify her as being a true graduate of the university for her recommendation letter to carry more weight in considering your application.

By the way, make sure that her recommendation letter indicates the reasons why she believes that you will be a successful student at Tufts. What are your character traits that you share in common with the university? She has to explain why you should be a student by default at Tufts by justifying her recommendation.

She already submitted the letter so there's no editing now. Is the information about Hilary (one L) really necessary? The word limit is 100 and this essay is 111 already :( She was also an IR major!

It would have been nice to read about your interaction with the alumna in the essay because it shows that you actually are familiar with the university and how it can help you become a better student and professional in the future. Since you are over the word count already, the inclusion of the information about Hilary is up to you. It can be optional if you wish. Now, about the 111 word count, will removing the reference to Hilary bring the count within the acceptable range ? If it will, then remove the reference. If you want to keep it, then show me how the full essay looks at the moment so I can help you decide which portions we can remove in order to better meet the prompt requirements. It should not be too hard to do. The essay that you wrote is really good. We are just trying to enhance it at this point.

Okay, I'll add the interaction and get back to you in a few hours.
(This is weird to ask but are you okay with this job? You seem to be online 24/7. Please get some rest if you don't feel well)

@Holt

I didn't seriously consider studying abroad until my senior year, and it was a rush to prepare what I needed to apply. Disorientated as I was, I contacted my English teacher Hilary, who was like a U.S ambassador that I really related to.

...
Hilary taught my class in the 10th grade and went back to the US. I only got back in touch with her in summer, so I thought I might explain that.

Khoa, here is how I would present this statement. I hope it is within the word limit and that you will want to use it to help you resolve the response problem to the statement.

After that paragraph, add the conversation that you had with her. That will create your final response for this essay. If it is over the word count, let me know and I will try to find a way to lower it without affecting the statement too much.

By the way, thanks for your concern. I do rest when I feel like it and when I need it. I just have my computer on all the time which is why I manage to constantly scan the forum and stay in touch with those who need help. I am not tethered to the computer nor am I here 24/7. Hahaha! I just realized, it does seem that way doesn't it? Internet time is really different from real life time I guess. Just know this for sure, I'll be here when you need me. It might take me some time to get back to you sometimes, but I will respond as soon as I can. When there is a delay in my response that means that I had to take some personal time to attend to some personal needs and matters.

Back in the 10th grade, I had a teacher named Hilary Hilaries. She often told us stories about her time as a university student at Tufts, which is how I first came to know about the university. She was a fun person to learn from and she really knew how to embrace her students and make them feel like family members instead of students. I learned so much from her classes. She went back to the States after teaching my class. This past summer, I made contact with her again because I found myself at a crossroads regarding my college education.

"Then definitely check out my school. We have one of the best International Relations programs in America, and you'll fit in just fine! We already have a Model United Nations and a Debate Society, so I doubt you'll need to create your own club. The only complaint I have is they don't let us run around naked anymore.", she advised. (...)

I edited it a bit to suit my style. Hilary explained how she knew me in her recommendation letter so I think that part can be cut out?

The first paragraph is 99 words, and the second is 100 words. We need to cut out 99 to meet the requirement.

This version has a total of 148 words, with the ellipses portion included. I think this will work best. It is short and to the point. It delivers the response to the question immediately with a hook at the start and humor at the end. It should work just fine if you feel like using it.

Can you tell me the actual maximum word count? It is confusing for you to give it to me by paragraph. What is the full word count that we have to meet or be under? Is it 200?

In the 10th grade, I had a teacher who was an alumna of Tufts named Hilary Hilaries from whom I first learned about Tufts. I lost touch with her when she went back to the U.S., reconnecting only this past summer when I was looking for an overseas university to attend.

Then definitely check out Tufts...

No, don't cut out the part about Hilary in this essay. You never know if the reviewer will read this essay before he reads the recommendations. This essay will indirectly instruct him to read that recommendation letter and provide the reason why. This will not be name dropping because you will be mentioning a graduate of the university who is actually recommending you for admission.

I really like this version! However, I'm applying through Common App as it is required, and the website does count exact words. If I paste 101 words it will refuse to submit my essay.

Is there anything else we can cut out?

Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application?
"Why Tufts?" (Required length is 50-100 words)
The requirement is 50-100 words. My first draft was 111

Here's a 112-word version. I have pointed out the ideas I want to convey so you can have a better picture:

"Then definitely check out my school." - My teacher Hilary Hilaries advised. She was a Tufts alumna who taught me in 10th grade.(She was from Tufts) We reconnected this past summer when I was looking for schools abroad - "We have one of the best International Relations(my interest) programs in America. You'll fit in just fine!(Hilary thinks I'm suitable for Tufts) There's a MUN and a Debate Society(my interests) for you, and the only complaint I have is they don't let us run around naked anymore(humor, school info) .",

Well, I don't mind being clothed in a Pizza Run(humor, school update) instead. Tufts does have the best of both worlds. With a Globalizations concentration(interest, school update, this is a new concentration) and a mud-sliding minor(humor, activities info) , I intend to make the best years of my life there.

You will have to decide whether you want to be humorous or academic in the presentation of your reasons. The way the word count is set up, you are not being given any room for multiple reasons for opting to enroll at Tufts. You can only present one compelling reason that brought you to choose the school. You can use the Hilary reference in the response, but only in a summary form. You have to sacrifice the dialogue that you gave her. How she said it won't matter anymore. What matters is that she said it. With 100 words maximum, you will need to be very specific about your reasons. Don't go for humor, don't go for creativity. Just go for providing the most accurate information within 100 words. Just remove Hilary's dialogue. That is the most irrelevant part of the essay. You can just say that she suggested you look up Tufts. The reasons that you state about the classes and traditions are enough to represent the "Why Tufts?" question.

When in doubt, it never hurts to write a second, third, fourth, or more versions of your response. You will know the response is right when you are satisfied with what you have written. It doesn't matter how the reviewer receives the essay on his end because what has to come through on the paper is your definition or seriousness and humor. He will catch on to what you are trying to say because he is familiar with the university traditions, culture, and student craziness.

From my end, I can say that I get the humor in your essay. It is clear and shows a familiarity with the university that tells me you are looking forward to 4 years of fun on campus. But tat is just me and I am familiar with the many incarnations of this essay already.

Tell you what, write a second version of your response to the prompt. One that fits the word requirement already. Then let's compare the work and choose the best one. Whichever we agree upon to choose should be the essay that you can use to respond to the prompt. How does that sound to you?

Okay the dialogue is cut. But I when I talk about Tufts' social scene I feel like being humorous (the Tufts essay website actually invites people to be funny). The question is: are my sentences funny? (imagine you work in college admission) If not I think I'll rewrite everything.

@Holt It's okay haha I'm not that attached to my essays. Here's a 107-word version. I'm asking for a lot of financial aid so I figure the party and fun image wouldn't work too well

This past summer, I reconnected with my 10th grade English teacher Hilary Hilaries when I was looking for schools abroad. Being a Tufts alumna herself, Hilary suggested me to look up her school, and sure enough, I fell in love with it like she did.

What most strongly magnetizes me is not Tufts' ...

You can adjust the second paragraph to be within the word count if you say that what attracts you most to Tufts are its people. Totally skip over the MUN, IR, etc. because those are not really required information in the essay. All you really have to spell out is what attracts you, not what doesn't attract you. You lower the word count when you only specify the necessary information for the reviewer. Say that you were attracted by the motto of the Jumbo's and that you realized that it was a commonality between you and the university. Don't end the essay with a question. Wrap it up with a statement. Specifically the statement that Hillary made and you saying that you prefer to stand out. That is the strongest final word you can create for the statement that aligns itself with the prompt.

This past summer, I reconnected with my 10th grade teacher Hilary Hilaries to discuss studying International Relations abroad. Being a Tufts alumna herself, Hilary suggested me to look up her school, and sure enough, I did fall in love with it like she did.

...

This ICP is a program that pair up international students with U.S students to help them integrate into a new culture, as well as sharing their own. I think it underlines the Tufts value. What do you think? This is 96 words

I feel like the last statement is missing something....

You can remove the line about being magnetized by the people. The ICP statement seems to be working better in fulfilling the prompt requirements in this paragraph. However, the sentence after that can be made shorter and more informative if you simply say that you share common beliefs and ideologies with Tufts and then enumerate the traits. The last sentence is still a problem. It is disconnected from the first part of this paragraph. I think it would be better if you just move that reference to the first paragraph. Make it your last sentence in that paragraph. Then don't make any changes to the second paragraph aside from the portions that I am suggesting you delete. Once you do those steps, I believe the essay will finally fall into place for you. Don't add or change any information. Just do as I instructed you above. I believe we can call the next version the final essay once you complete that revision.

You mean like this?
This past summer, I reconnected with my 10th grade teacher Hilary Hilaries to discuss studying International Relations abroad. Being a Tufts alumna herself, Hilary suggested me to look up her school, and sure enough, I did fall in love with it like she did. She told me I would fit in, but I'd prefer to stand out.

The school's ICP, like everything else I learned about Tufts, highlights the values cherished by the students, which I really resonate with. Jumbo's promote diversity, acceptance, compassion, and a sense of social justice surpassing political correctness.

Okay, we now have the first paragraph perfectly written. At least, as far as I am concerned. I hope you feel the same way. Now, for the second paragraph. We need one more sentence to tie it up in a nice little bow. Just to close the paragraph. How would you like to close it? I have the following in mind as a potential closing sentence for your essay:

... political correctness. The very same traits that I try to promote as often as possible in my everyday life. These are the reasons why I chose Tufts.

You may have a different idea as to how you want to close the paragraph. I am open to reading it. This is the final step that we have to complete so that we can declare this statement ready to submit. If I find your suggestion applicable enough, I'll give it a like so that you will know that my opinion is that the essay is finally ready to submit.

I still feel like that "stand out" part should be at the end of the essay for some reason. You also said that those are strong final words so...

And I have only 10 or less words to make this last sentence (7 words in this version to be exact). Is the word "resonate" enough to point out that I have something in common with the school?

When you say "resonate" it means to relate harmoniously. Since the essay is word limited, you will not be able to use the term to justify the use of the word with proper examples and explanations. Try to reverse your paragraphs instead. See if you will like how the essay reads when you use the second paragraph first and the first paragraph last. Maybe that will work better. At this point, I do not know what else I can tell you. You are trying to complicate a very simple statement by offering too much information. You only need to present one factor that can explain why you chose Tufts. So it is either you use the alumna story or, you use the commonality information. You cannot do both in such a word limited statement, not an essay, but a statement, which means you refer to only one presentation. That is why you only have 100 words to use in expressing your explanation. If I were you, I would no try to use up all the word count anymore. It is not possible to satisfy the explanation that your reasons require with only 100 words. You will have to compromise if you want to deliver the best possible response to this prompt.

I don't know which one to choose so I tried to write both. This one is the ICP story:

Tufts' ICP, like everything else I learned about the school, highlights the values cherished by Tufts students. Jumbo's promote diversity, acceptance, compassion, and a sense of social justice surpassing political correctness. Small gestures like showing someone how to carve a pumpkin signify a conscious effort to welcome new identities and learn about them, a direction that I've been heading for in my adolescent years. When I discussed studying International Relations abroad with my Tufts alumna teacher, Hilary Hilaries, she told me I would fit in at Tufts. I'd prefer to stand out. It's what Tuft is all about.

This one is the alumna story:

This past summer, I reconnected with my teacher Hilary Hilaries to discuss studying International Relations abroad. As a Tufts alumna herself, Hilary suggested me to look up her school, and sure enough, I did fall in love with it like she did. Having always admired her for promoting her culture halfway around the globe, I was thrilled at the prospect of joining thousands of people who shared the same sense of social justice and diversity that I've been striving to recreate. Hilary told me I would fit in, but I'd prefer to stand out. It's what Tufts is all about.

Go with version two. That is the one that has a more personal approach and at least tries to create a connection between your own life experiences and knowledge along the same lines as a Jumbo would while a student at Tufts. Another reason that I feel strongly about using that story is because Hilary bothered to write a recommendation letter for you. So it would be best to try and use whatever perceived influence we can stemming from your relationship with her and the letter that she wrote commending and suggesting that you be admitted to the university. I would like you to keep a clear mind and review that statement from an impartial point of view. I believe that you will see the strength of that statement and decide to use it yourself.

Okay. Thank you!