Two Statements - life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments

I'll be perfectly honest, writing has never been a strength of mine. This is what I have managed to come up with in the past hour and a half. Please feel free to give any sort of criticism to my paper, it is all wanted! Be downright mean if you have to, I want to make this thing perfect!!

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

Around the beginning of February this year I received a less than impressive report card. As soon as I looked at it a feeling of ashamedness instantly came to me. This feeling was starting to become all too familiar to me, and I was not going to stand for it any longer. During the second semester of my junior year, I forced myself to work harder than ever to improve my grades. Instead of spending nights doing leisurely activities, they were spent studying for tests and spending countless hours on homework. Something in my brain finally clicked, and I felt like I could achieve anything I put my mind to. I set a goal for myself - - I wanted to get the highest Grade Point Average (GPA) of my high school career- -and then worked extremely hard to reach that goal. That goal was eventually reached as I earned my highest ever GPA during second semester of my junior year.

Looking back at that period of time, I realize that the skill I applied in that situation is something I utilize often in my everyday life. That skill is an overwhelming amount of ambition. Whether it comes to sports, helping others, or academic- -when I set goals for myself, I do everything I can to achieve them. This ambitious nature of mine is what I will bring to your community. I have my eyes fixed on achieving a degree in Political Science, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to make that dream come true.

Another skill of mine is a strong sense of kindness. When I first volunteered, I instantly discovered my love of helping people. Never before had I felt so self-accomplished then when I volunteer. My willingness to help people is my favorite quality of mine. When friends or family come to me with problems, I am always there to aid them. This is why I am so interested by the political field. In its purest form, politics is a way of applying community service, and that is why I am pursuing that major.

These skills of mine define who I am. I am proud of my ambiguity and willingness to help, and there is no doubt in my mind these traits will help enrich your community.

Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision

While I am very appreciative of my childhood, and fully recognize it as relatively good compared to others, I faced a fair deal of challenges these past years. My parent's divorce, combined with an ill-timed move from my home city caused a lot of problems for me. In the small town I moved from, I was very well respected. I achieved high grades and had many friends. When I moved to Madison this all changed very quickly. I had difficulty focusing on academics and even a harder time with making friends. During difficult family and economic times, I almost completely gave up on both of those things.

It was not until recently that I looked back on those two events that changed my life so dramatically and decided that they need to be forgotten. I told myself that I needed to move on and start anew, and that is exactly what I did. At school I asserted myself and made many new lifelong friends. When it comes to school work, I actually put forth effort, and while it took me a while, I now put a lot of energy into academics and learning. I am working harder and harder on my studies every day. I started to make many attitude adjustments, and started putting forth goals to improve myself as a person. I want to improve myself in some way, shape, or form every single day. I feel as though I have a ton of potential to make our world a better place, and I will work hard to make a positive impact on our community.

Although these events have hurt me in the past, I now look at them as positives. They helped shape the way I am today, and for that I am forever grateful.

Write a sentence about what you were doing instead of focusing on school. If you were passionate about something different, that is okay. Everyone knows school is not everything.

Bill Gates was a dropout, I heard. Dropouts are often geniuses. But it is because they have passions. So, talk more about your passion... pol sci?? No more slacking in school if you are going to become one of out policy-makers! In fact... you must omit the part about getting poor grades. People feel too strongly about politicians...

I don't want them to feel biased against you. Get rid of that part where you present yourself as a slacker, and talk about how you walked through the halls of high school reading classics by Cicero instead of what you were supposed to be reading. Tell them about your involvement in activism, your passion for using technology and good intentions to improve the world.

Specific examples! Both of these essays need specific examples. Show, don't tell. Don't talk in generalities, but instead give clear ideas, creative solutions to problems. Impress them by already being frustrated by a sense of obligation, like you have so much you want to do. And list the things you want to do.