Two short personal statements: one based on diversity, the other based on growth. Which is better?

PROMPT 1: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your background, please describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

"What did you say?" I inquired.
I tilted my head and stared at my "best friend" in disbelief--neither recognizing her nor believing what she'd grumbled.
"I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you; I don't have time; I barely understand this section myself," her tight voice babbled with excuses.

I stopped listening and walked off, still trying to understand what had happened. My "best friend", who had three tutors, diligently took notes in class, and never received anything below an A-, brutally rejected to help me, a C-average student. Had I wronged her? No. Have I ever refused to help her? Certainly, not. Then, what did I do wrong? 7 years later, I finally found my answer: I was a "potential competitor."

PROMPT 2:
Option 1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"No, no, no, Chris, that's wrong again!"
As those careless words rushed out of my mouth, Chris's eyes glistened and filled with tears. His pale cheeks quickly turned deep red, and he turned his head to hide his embarrassment. An absolutely dreadful guilt took a hold of me. I felt ashamed of myself. "You've done it again," I told myself, "you lost your patience."

Reaching over to Chris's arm, I apologetically whispered, "Hey, I'm sorry. How about we try this again? C'mon, it'll work out this time." His eyes momentarily stared at me, and he brushed off my arm and shook his head. There was nothing I could now so I left the room, stood along the doorframe, and listened to his held-back sniffles.

"You can't do this, Michelle," I thought to myself, "you don't know how to tutor, what are you even doing?"

[...]

In my opinion, you should work on developing your first prompt because the tale you were telling was totally relevant to the prompt and showed a side to you that admission officers usually take note of. Your openness to being helpful as a tutor will be a definite plus to the community since college students need all the help they can get. Regardless of the GPA of the student. I have a few suggestions though. Use the portion towards the end where you said you will never forget your experience at the top of your essay. Rework it as an introduction and combine it with the narration that you have in the introduction at this point. That will create the hook that this essay needs to reel in the reader. Talk more about how you developed and molded yourself into a tutor.

It would be nice to explain that your grades constantly improved since the incident and your classmates would come to you for help and unlike your friend, you never turned them down. That will show that you value friendship and camaraderie among groups. It also shows you as a supportive person who does not compete because you know that you all have your winning traits that will help you get ahead in life and that college is not the place to compete. It should be the place to help each other get to the top because once you get out of college, the real competition begins :-) I hope my suggestions work for you.

The first is better. Frienship was always regarded among the list of neutral but the most necessary things.

Although the second one talks about the maturing process (which can always help), I felt that the first was better written, and had a stronger base. If you do decide to pursue the first one, I'd recommend not reducing yourself to a side of the dichotomy between competition and collaboration, but perhaps make it more nuanced with evidence and explain how you're a good competitor (I'm a good student ...) and collaborator.

PICK WHICH ESSAY IS BETTER AND WHY? PERSONAL STATEMENT DUE IN 3 DAYS. HELP :)

TWO DIFFERENT PROMPTS
ESSAY 1:

Prompt: Option 1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Ring, ring, ring, the telephone piercingly called out.

As I tried to ignore its presence, the rings stubbornly grew louder and louder and continued to seek attention. Submissively, I rubbed my eyes, got out of bed, and walked toward the shrilling sound.

"Hello?" my croaky voice mumbled.

A high-pitched reply excitingly announced, "I GOT INTO THE PROGRAM. I DID IT."

Instantly, my fatigue washed away, eyes widen, and wearily voice grew strident. An indescribable happiness suddenly took over, and I cheered, giggled, and jumped up and down.

"That's great! I'm so proud of you," I ecstatically replied, "I knew you'd pass the placement test."

We spent another half an hour talking about the GATE program and the work attached, but also celebrated some more. When the vivid conversation ended, I plopped back onto my bed, energized. "This is it, Michelle, this is what you love," I told myself.

Chris Wu is not only my very first student, but also the one who helped me realize my love for tutoring.

After discovering the challenges of self-learning with limited resources and successfully becoming my own tutor, I grew passionate and compassionate about helping others learn. Because of my past, I understood how defeated, helpless, and self-degrading it can be, so I begun tutoring kids who were excluded and underprivileged in a normal classroom environment---kids who didn't speak English, who got bullied at school, who weren't motivated. On weekdays, I also volunteered to tutor both peers from lower-level math classes and my freshmen mentees from the Motivating Matador Club.

Five years and six students later, tutoring still fascinates me. It makes me very content and proud because I get to impact someone's life. These kids trust me with their future, and that is no small responsibility. Whenever I tutor my students, I see a part of my past in them, such as the similar moment I experience when I got into GATE. I want to ensure that my kids learn and have the academic support I never received, even from my family. My work isn't about making money, it's about making differences. Unlike most tutors, I also teach these kids how to learn on their own and inspire them to be intrinsically motivated. After all, no one is going to hold their hand forever.

My students have inspired me to be more curious and willing to ask for help. It's okay to not understand something or perform as well as others. I'm no longer afraid to admit to failure because mistakes entail improvements. At the end, it's the determination to work hard and understand that really matters. Tutoring has definitely made me a more collaborative person. With so many students at my high school, competition happens. However, tutoring has helped me abandon this attitude and even encouraged me to help others. I hope to bring my collaborative attitude to wherever I go, especially to competitive colleges. Working and tutoring has taught me to be more appreciative and also marked my transition to adulthood. I am more responsible, help pay the bills, and feel completely independent. Tutoring has taught me life's most important lessons.

OPTION 2: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your background, please describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

"What did you say?" I inquired.

I tilted my head and stared at my "best friend" in disbelief--neither recognizing her nor believing what she'd grumbled.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you; I don't have time; I barely understand this section myself," her tight voice babbled with excuses.

I stopped listening and walked off, still trying to understand what had happened. My "best friend", who had three tutors, diligently took notes in class, and never received anything below an A-, brutally rejected to help me, a C-average student. Had I wronged her? No. Have I ever refused to help her? Certainly, not. Then, what did I do wrong? 7 years later, I finally found my answer: I was a "potential competitor."

I am a tutor--both for myself and for others. When I was younger, I struggled academically due to many drastic changes in my life. I barely knew about college and failed almost all my classes. Unfortunately, it had took 10 years before I realized education's significant. I was afraid I had fallen too behind. However, change was possible. With my limited resources, the library and Internet became my best friends, and my 10-year-old self spent hours endless hours studying and catching up to my peers as the world happily dozed off. Nonetheless, I succeeded, and it was through that journey that developed a sense of fulfillment for learning, but most of all, collaboration.

I'll never forget the day I lost respect for my ex-best friend and certainly not the reason why. Through these negative events, I found my desire to provide others with academic support. I understood how helpless and defeating one can be, especially when resources are restrained or when myopic, competitive classmates or busy teachers refuse to help. So I became a tutor. On weekends, I worked with kids who were excluded underprivileged in a normal classroom environment---kids who didn't speak English, kids who got bullied at school, kids who weren't motivated--and I also volunteered my weekdays to tutoring both peers from lower-level math classes and my freshmen mentees from the Motivating Matador Club.

My tutoring journey has given me an unique quality. Every school have students who keep all their secrets to academic success confidential and selfishly wish fail upon others. I don't blame people for their individualism; after all, it's what society preaches: survival of the fittest. However, I am not one of those people. I'm actually opposite of that. I want success for the greater good. I stand against my large public high school's individualism and self-orientation atmosphere. I want to bring my collaboration and harmony to wherever I go. I hope I can change college's competitive atmospheres by continuing to tutor. Perhaps, I can inspire others as well, and one day my unique view will become common and no longer be considered different. No one should want to see others fails; instead, working and learning and succeeding as a community is much more satisfying. I am a strong competitor but an even stronger collaborator.

Both are about tutoring but they answer different prompts. Can u tell me why you chose which essay? Thanks! :)

Having read your previous thread on the same topic, I decided to read these versions for comparison purposes. Having done that, I need to tell you that I have changed my stand on the matter. In this particular instance, I would ask you to submit your first option for the essay. The reason is because I find the accomplishment in this essay to be a very important one that truly reflects the kind of joy and satisfaction that you get from helping others, tutoring them, or teaching them directly. I just have to know, are you applying to educational school? You sound like you are going to become a teacher in the future from the narratives that you have been using.

While the second option shows why you will become an asset to the academic community, the first one shows how you are already an asset to other people by becoming a part of their lives. You have shown your ability to help those in need successfully and that your accomplishments in this regard is always something that you share in common with others. Therefore, this essay answers both prompts all at once in my opinion :-)

That said, I strongly recommend that you submit the first option for your school application. It is the best shot you have at being considered for admission. Good luck with whichever version you finally decide to submit :-)

Thank you so much for all the advice and feedback on my threads :)