UCF admissions essay (family history, culture, or enviornment influence)

This is what I have, but I'm not sure if it's good enough. I need all the help I can get.

How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

2. The environment in my life has changed many times, but it is my family and culture that has had the greatest influence on my life. I grew up with a sister 15 months older than me, and 2 brothers 10 years older. We had a live-in nanny because my Dad worked for Air Ambulance, and my Mom had patients all day working as a self-employed psychologist. I learned at an early age how to defend myself, how to keep a secret, how to apologize, love, hate, and how to forgive. My dad and brothers taught me how to be tough, my mom taught me how to love, and care and talk about my feelings, and my sister is still teaching me how to mature, accept, and learn from her mistakes. My parents raised us not in a religious home, but a home where we were aware that we are Jews, and that that is something to be proud of. At 16 my brothers were high school drop outs and not exactly volunteering at the homeless shelter. Fast forward 10 years to where they are now, and you will see them both married with a new born, living in Crown Heights, New York. They had found an attraction to our religion that could only be described as a miracle, if you imagined where else they could be based on their troubled past. I'm now reaping the benefits of their turnaround by witnessing how big a change a person can make in their selves once you start making smarter decisions. I also have a newfound appreciation and education of Judaism that wouldn't be there if it weren't for my brothers. I believe that my exposure to such a huge change in not only person, but two, is a luxury I was given and want to utilize it for everything it's worth.

here's the other question and answer i just wrote:

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

4. A quality that I find unique in myself is my desire to be challenged. I like questions that make you think by people who have things to offer. I enjoy, recognize, and appreciate being taught by intelligent and competent people. I have learned that interesting people can make boring topics exciting, depending on your willingness to learn. I have a huge willingness to learn and the idea of being taught by professors with such bright minds motivates me to become a more educated person with a lot to give back to the world. I plan on becoming involved in classes that accompany these qualities and pursue my career in education. I would also like to become a member and contribute to the Jewish community campus life.

The first questions and your response in the first sentence does not work for me. "2. The environment in my life has changed many times, but it is my family and culture that has had the greatest influence on my life.

What do you mean my environment in my life? It changed how? Also, also again-can you provide one influence...
Sorry I can provide more but I know you will do fine if you could elaborate a little more. I would answer the questions as if I was sitting face-to-face...

My dad and brothers taught me how to be tough, my mom taught me how to love, and care and talk about my feelings, and my sister is still teaching me how to mature, accept, and learn from her mistakes. --- very cool sentence. This is a nice tribute to them.

My parents raised us not in a religious home, but a home where we were aware that we are Jews, and that that is something to be proud of. ----- this seems strange, because pride in the religion would compel people to practice it in the home.

...can make in their selves once you she or he starts making smarter decisions. I also have a newfound appreciation ...

Hey,your ending is excellent! Okay, so this is a great exposition of your family background, but can you include some mention of how it influences your intentions for your career, field of study, etc?

:-)