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UCF Admissions essay - one obstacle I've overcome- NEED to cut A LOT out.



xomisskirstinox 2 / 3  
Sep 23, 2008   #1
When asked, what is one obstacle I have overcome in my life to make me who I am, there is one main thing that sticks out and that would be the loss of my mom when I was ten. It was a Monday, two days after my tenth birthday. I was at school and it was normal day and then the call came to my classroom to stay after school in the office and not go home on the bus. I could not figure out why but I put the idea aside and went along with my day like normal. After school I sat in the office awaiting the arrival of my aunt, because I knew my mom was still in the hospital she had been for a while. Her being in and out of hospitals and nursing homes was becoming normal. I made small talk with my guidance counselor Mrs. Brandeberry while I helped her stuff envelopes, but nothing could prepare me for the news I was about to receive. My aunt walked in the office in a rush, but unusually calm, and right when I looked in her eyes I knew. There was a sadness there I had never seen.

She broke the news gently, saying "I'm sorry", and "they did all they could" It made no difference to me though. No amount of "I'm sorry"s would ever make it better. After standing there crying with her arms around me for what seemed like my entire life, we left the school and picked up my sister. We met up with the rest of the family at the hospital and tears were all I saw. We said a prayer for her and reminisced a little. Other than that, the day is mostly a blur to me. This day changed me forever.

As much as a shock as it was to my life, we all knew it was coming for some time. I remember the day she told me she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. After she broke the news that she would be having surgery on April 12, which was a good ways away, I went to my room, took a piece of paper back to her room and attempted to write up a will for her. I said to her "Mom, you never know what could happen, and what if something bad does happen?" She just laughed and hugged me and said "Kirstin, don't be ridiculous. I'll be around forever. No matter what, I promise I'm not going anywhere. Even if I'm in a wheelchair, I'll wheelchair you down that aisle on your wedding day, and cheer for you at your graduation". Her obvious optimism and the fact that she was taken so quickly from me was the one thing that has changed me for the rest of my life. She taught me a lot in the time she did have, and I matured a lot, becoming more responsible and more mature than most my age, but her passing taught me the biggest lesson I have ever learned:Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Live life to the fullest and always appreciate what you are given because you never know when something can be taken away so quickly from you.

OP xomisskirstinox 2 / 3  
Sep 23, 2008   #2
PROMPT:
If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 24, 2008   #3
Good morning.
"An obstacle that I have overcome in my personal life was the loss of my mom when I was ten. It was a Monday, two days after my tenth birthday.

After school I sat in the office awaiting the arrival of my aunt, because I knew my mom was still in the hospital. S he had been for a while.

I made small talk with my guidance counselor, Mrs. Brandeberry, while I helped her stuff envelopes, but nothing could prepare me for the news I was about to receive.

She broke the news gently, saying "I'm sorry" (Remove comma) and "T hey did all they could."

That day changed me forever.

I remember the day she told me she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. [...] Even if I'm in a wheelchair, I'll wheelchair you down that aisle on your wedding day, and cheer for you at your graduation".You could paraphrase or condense this quite a bit, easing the flow and cutting down your word count in the process.

She taught me a lot in the time she did have, and I matured a lot, becoming more responsible and more mature than most my age, but her passing taught me the biggest lesson I have ever learned:Carpe Diem.

Keep up the hard work.


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