The UGA faculty has determined that the student body should demonstrate the qualities listed in the

Being born and raised in Germany, I have a background that is very different from what many other people have had the chance to explore. From border to border, a person is not just crossing physical boundaries but is likewise stepping over a mountain of cultural, ethnical, and social experiences. As I person not native to the United States, I have the knowledge and understanding of the changing of cultural, ethnical, and social aspects that come with new experiences.

A big change that I saw when moving from Germany to the United States was a difference in the educational system, especially the involvement of students. In the United States, students have the option to get involved with clubs such as student council or peer tutoring as early as elementary school. The options are unlimited in high school. That is where I found my chance to better the community. I joined the marching band and later became a member of the Beta Club, the National Honors Society, and the Soccer Team. Participation in these clubs not only influenced my grade as a student but it helped me embrace a samaritan attitude by providing me a foundation to do go in my community.

I also noticed a different sense of recognition in the United States when compared to Germany. Good students get recognized for their hard work and every student has an equal opportunity to be good. That personally helped shape my success throughout my high school years. That being said, I excelled in all my academics. I excelled not only because of good recognition but also because of good self-interest, hard work, and resilience to stress.

Not sure what this essay is in response to, but overall it is pretty decent.

As I am a person who is not native to the United States

I am however confused to what the end of your second paragraph and the beginning of your first are saying. Try and be a bit more clear and tone your vocabulary to really stand out. :)

Shawn, are you responding to a college application prompt? If you are, kindly provide me with a copy of the complete prompt so that I can better analyze your response for the required parameters. At the moment, the essay seems well developed and provides a clear response to "something". It is this "something" that I need to be sure about. I would like to verify the veracity of your claims in accordance with the reviewer's expectations stemming from your response. I am unsure as to why you are making comparisons between schooling in Germany and the USA and I am sure that the prompt can help me decide whether this is the right slant in which to take your response or not. Kindly provide the prompt as soon as you can. It doesn't matter if it is not for a college application. I just need the complete instructions so that I can properly guide you in terms of revising the content or polishing the content of your essay.

@aes1999
@Holt

I do apologize, I thought the whole title posted. The prompt is:

The UGA faculty has determined that the student body should demonstrate the qualities listed in the Admissions Philosophy Statement. After reviewing this, help us understand which of your qualities will add value to our community of scholars.

The Admissions Philosophy Statement can be found here: admissions.uga.edu/Admissions-Philosophy

Shawn, what is the maximum word count on this essay? It seems to be a little bit too short for a regular essay response. Its lack of discussion shows mere overviews of what you hope to offer the UGA as a scholar. The reasons that you list could be better detailed and informative if you could take only the most important aspects of your personality first, and then fit it into the philosophy of UGA.

This is where the university philosophy statement will be able to help you. Read the philosophy statement again and this time, consider discussing the essay based upon the commonalities that you have with the university in terms of life or mission philosophy. By creating this connection, your philosophy becomes relevant to the university and your life there. Right now, I am not clear about your philosophy and how you can use it to help you as a student. That is because you are only offering up a narrative comparison of differences between Germany and America in the life of a student. That is not a philosophy, that is a point of view. So review the philosophy of university and then align yourself and your essay with it.