Prompt:
Describe the academic programs and unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?
My Response:
From professors to sporting facilities, from libraries to dormitories, The University of Pennsylvania maintains very high standards throughout the campus. I love the fact that Penn is an esteemed leader in many fields of academic and non-academic activities and it is for this reason that I believe that I am a good match for Penn.
Working in an environment with attractive, comfortable and adequate facilities just makes any activity more enjoyable and more productive. At the University of Pennsylvania, beauty is among all. From The Blanche P. Levy Park, with luscious, healthy, green grass as gentle on the skin as a mother's touch, to the deep maroon colored woodwork of the Van Pelt-Dietrich Library Center.
Amassed with a collection of over 4.5 million volumes, Penn's fifteen libraries provide an immense amount of information to students. If I am enrolled as an undergraduate at Penn, due to the capacity of Penn's libraries, it would be quite easy to access information to thousands of articles on my research topic. This would be very beneficial to me as it would allow for me to complete any research project with less strain. With several lounges, study carrels, group study and seminar rooms, and over 150 public computers for student use in the Center, Penn's libraries make it much easier for us students to come together to conduct research or any other form of activity in a comfortable yet productive setting. However, whenever I would need to study by myself, The Fisher Fine Arts Library is the place to be as it is renowned for its silence. This would be very suitable for me as I am a person who prefers silence while undergoing autodidacticism.
If given the opportunity to attend Penn, as an international student, it is inevitable that I would be a resident student therefore it is in my greatest interest that the quality of The University of Pennsylvania's dorms are up to par with my specific standards. According to several sources and statistics, it is evident that the dormitories at Penn are of very high standards. I can picture myself lounging in my bed at my Harrison College House dorm, taking off my shoes and just relaxing after a long lecture or exercise session. With lots of activities to do such as playing table tennis, pool or just hanging out with friends, The Harrison College House is really the place for me.
Another aspect that really draws me to Penn is its sporting facilities. Main interests of mine are basketball, chess and table tennis and I feel that at Penn I would be able to enjoy these comfortably. Regular exercise is crucial for a healthy lifestyle and helps persons achieve optimum performance in academics and other aspects of life. With Penn's fully equipped basketball facilities and gym, regular exercise is only a step away.
I believe that I must strive to achieve the best as only the best is good enough. What that entails for me is attending the University of Pennsylvania as it houses one of the best business schools - the place where students achieve, the place with the best programs, the place with the best reputation, in other words, The Wharton School. With consecutive number one rankings from several ranking institutions, it is obvious to all that The Wharton School is the best. Another factor that draws me to The Wharton School is its aspect of quality professors. I love the fact that Penn only hires professors who have many years of experience in their fields, possess surpassingly adequate qualifications and live what they teach. This ensures quality and I would love to experience this as an undergraduate at Penn. The professors at Wharton are also avid researchers. I believe that at Wharton I would be able to assist the professors with their research and also receive guidance with my future research projects in the field of finance so that I can give back to the school and the community at large. Another aspect of The Wharton School that really intrigues me is the quality of the courses they offer for the area in which I wish to specialize, Finance. If given the chance to attend Wharton I would be able to take part in courses in Corporate Finance, Investment Management, Banking and Financial Institutions and International Finance. This would help me attain my dream of becoming a successful professional in the field of Finance as the courses would help me develop the skills necessary to work at a high level of expertise in all areas of finance.
It is my wish that in the future I would be able to, with the help of the professors at Wharton, devise a means by which we could achieve economic stability worldwide. This would be of great benefit to all as it would help decrease unemployment, reduce poverty and lead to the development of new, advanced technology which could help many. I believe that by attending Penn I would be able to work with my professors and the school's sufficient research facilities in hopes of achieving this long term goal.
With so many of my interests in align with that of both The Wharton School and The University of Pennsylvania, I believe that I would be a perfect match for Penn. It is with collaboration that things get done more productively, in a timelier manner and more effectively. If given the opportunity to work with Penn, I would definitely be willing to work with them so that we can both give back to society.
If you see any errors of any kind or if you have any advice for me, please feel free to state. Thank you to all who help.
Please revise, i'd like to know if they're are any corrections that need to be made whether they be grammatical or otherwise. Also tell me if I am answering the prompt correctly and if not, please state how may I improve on that. Do you think I should remove or retain the first paragraph? Is it necessary, wrong etc.? Also umm, just please feel free to give constructive criticism. All help will be considered and some will be acted upon. Please and Thanks You in advance.
Right here, you can get rid of "to all."
Amassed with a collection of over 4.5 million volumes, Penn's fifteen libraries provide an immense amount of information to all.
You just used "all" in the other paragraph (At the University of Pennsylvania, beauty is among all), so it seems redundant.
So, perhaps change the second occurrence of it to:
Amassed with a collection of over 4.5 million volumes, Penn's fifteen libraries provide an immense amount of information to students.
This is all very good! I think it would be more powerful if you add a bit more about what your favorite qualities about the school reveal about you and your aspirations for the future, your career, etc.
First of all let me say thank you very much for your review. It was really helpful and a confidence booster. I appreciate it. I took what you said into consideration and the new one is below. I made the "to students" change and added a paragraph about what you advised me to do. But there's one dilemma. On the common app site it says:
REQUIRED:
Answer the appropriate essay question: (do not exceed one page.)
4a. For Freshman Applicants only: Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?
But there's a box where you can type in your response and it says 7900 characters remaining. The new version i'm gonna paste below this post is 5,357 characters. Since I am typing in my response in the box provided, do you think that the one page thing applies to me?
