Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

Untitled - My Common App - Not one talent, background, or identity defines me.

scgoalie00 3 / 2 1  
Dec 29, 2016   #1
I would appreciate any criticism and advice!! Thanks!

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (650 words)


Not one talent, background, or identity defines me. Instead, I am Katie, the aggregate of my experiences and titles- an enamored aunt, tireless editor, supportive captain, and solicitous sister.

The aunt of Lily Rose Thompson, I've learned to appreciate the little things in life. Every seemingly small, insignificant object-from the People magazine subscription paper becoming Lily's favorite toy, to the stand-up mirror containing another entranced Lily-can bring exponential joy. Who knew spinning her in an office chair could result in endless giggles? Who knew that catching her after mad dashes to the fireplace could erupt into a game? Who knew that one little girl could change my life forever? Providing her endless affection, I am proud to bear the title of aunt.

As an editor of The Shield, my school's newspaper, I thoughtfully write 3-5 stories and craft 1-2 pages per issue (with 9 issues a year), sell ads and subscriptions (I have subscribers in Norway!), send 28 pages to the printer, edit and take home 4-6 pages each day, and ceaselessly stop my own work to aid others. With stories ranging from "Slaying the Decaying," where I explain why I'm beneficial in a zombie apocalypse, to "Bora Bora Ain't Bora Borin'," where I (shockingly) explain why Bora Bora isn't boring, I instill joy to my readers worldwide. Additionally, I spend frequent hours-often working during study hall and lunch-perfecting my page(s) and sending final pages to the printer. Further, I edit 4-6 pages every day, scoping for mistakes to ensure an error-free paper. For the students that will carry on my legacy, I strive to welcome and inspire with my three years of journalism and Photoshop knowledge. Although I am proud of my aforementioned responsibilities and skills, the most important task I accomplish is creating a newspaper and environment of joy. With a remarkable Shield in hand, I am proud to bear the title of editor.

After playing on varsity for four years, I am now a varsity soccer captain. My freshman year, I let self-doubt control me; as a result, I hardly played a game. That year, tearing the MPFL in my knee and requiring surgery put me out of soccer for myriad months. But you know what they say: only time can heal a broken heart- or kneecap, in my situation. Ultimately, I discovered that nothing could replace the dinners with my fellow teammates, the pride glimmering in our eyes as we won together, or the dejected tears we shed as we lost together. Finally, it clicked: my team was my family. Thus, the following year saw a more confident, fearless me; as a result, I played every game. With me leading in goal last year, my team won first in league. The rock, anchor, and mascot of my team, I am proud to bear the title of captain.

While my newborn brother shrieked in pain at the doctor's, my four-year-old self tugged on my mom's sleeve, wide-eyed with woe. "Can I take his shots for him?" I asked willingly, naively hoping to alleviate his pain. Similarly, in fourth grade when a boy who liked me began bullying Sarah, my twin, I promised him a week of dating and two twinkies to behave nicely. Now, years later, I would still readily sacrifice myself for my siblings. As college approaches, Sarah and I face a tough truth: separation. Whereas always Sarah galvanizes me to loosen up and live, I challenge her to succeed and support her when she does not. Because our love runs deep, I know that distance will not abate our solace. Amongst our fighting, yelling, caring, and protecting, I am proud to bear the title of sister.

An aunt, editor, captain, sister- my whole is greater than the sum of my parts. Although I proudly bear my titles, I still have much to learn, grow, and become. Unrestrained, I will forever be untitled.

rnsnz18 10 / 33 4  
Dec 29, 2016   #2
It is really good that you have comitted yourself to all those activities, but I really think the reviewers will be a little upset because you just put one paragraph per activity and then jumped to something entirely different. They are looking for depth rather than breadht, remember that, it is better that you focus on one of those avtivities and that way the reviewers will see your passion, I think that the editor one is where you could show more interest, it really has good points to talk more about.
khizirsiddiqui 2 / 3 1  
Dec 29, 2016   #3
Your essay brings out some great aspects of your personality. What I feel is that you could also explain about how you play your part for each of the titles that you have described after how you earned it, especially in the first an the last paragraph. Otherwise I find your essay nice.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,832 2627  
Dec 29, 2016   #4
Katie, what you have written is a background essay so you cannot say that you do not have a background. Classify this as a complex background essay. That way all of the characters that you portray in the story make sense. Word of advice though, the first paragraph is all about Lily and not you. That has to be revised to bring the focus on your personality as an aunt. The reviewer doesn't care what page on People magazine is your niece's favorite, unless it is the same as your favorite page. Omit the 4 year old self in the essay as well. It doesn't make sense to suddenly go back to infancy when you have already discussed so much success and failure in your life as a potential college student. Stick to one personality and that is the almost adult one that you have. That way the essay becomes a background and character trait essay instead of a complex and confusing written narrative.

Home / Undergraduate / Untitled - My Common App - Not one talent, background, or identity defines me.