USC1: Cross Country was painful.

USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)

There is not much more you can do at this point besides take in a deep breathe and hope you ice'd your injury enough. An overlapping sense of fear consumes your body, but as you snap back into reality, the words "mind over matter" enter your brain. You remind yourself of all your running; that fear cannot stop you from at least running that three mile race every Thursday afternoon. This ran through my mind everyday.

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I need to cut down around roughly 40 words. Any suggestions?
Also, is my essay in any way confusing? Does the introduction make sense?

I think you can take out some of the parts about injuries. And the part about the award, it seems braggy, and you can put in the awards/honors section of your app instead of your essay

So I changed it to first person, ad I do like it better. I also mentioned the leader role and he senior award in that other section so it does help removing it from the actual essay. I also had an old sentence about our Coach telling us that quote, but guess I had previously deleted it without realizing it. I think the essay is better now :)

There is not much more I can do at this point besides take in a deep breathe and hope I ice'd my injury enough. An overlapping sense of fear consumes my body, but as I snap back into reality, the words "mind over matter" enter my brain. I remind myself of all my running; that fear cannot stop me from at least running that three mile race every Thursday afternoon. This ran through my mind everyday.

Cross Country was painful. For two of my three years on the team, I suffered from injuries. But whether it was a hip injury my Junior year or calf pains and leg numbness my Senior year, I still kept running. Cross country is for those crazy enough to run at least 7 miles everyday for 4 months straight and for some reason it kept calling me back every year.

Cross Country was something I am truly proud to have done. Cross Country is not just about running, but about doing something that other people would not have the courage to do. What mattered at the end of each race was not always our time, but that we finished. Although I suffered many pains, I still pushed. This commitment and hard work paid off in that I eventually taught myself not to be afraid when things become tough. Coach Mack would always say "mind over matter." Those are the words he would tell ourselves each day whether it is before a race or practice. I was able to learn from him that the challenge placed in front of me was nothing when faced against me, as long as I tried.

This is really, really good.

Few grammatical mistakes:
"I remind myself of all my running; that fear cannot stop me from at least running that three mile race every Thursday afternoon"... since you put a semi-colon, take out "that".

Consider deleting "This ran through my mind everyday" (ahh, intentional pun?) and just put "I constantly remind myself that all my running has been for something; fear is enough to stop me from running that three mile race every Thursday afternoon."


Quipping in Coach Mack here is a bit awkward. Ii know you're trying to bring back the "mind over matter" thing, but this part is a bit redundant. Consider revising.

Overall, I like your rendition of the athletic/sports essay, because most people would write about how they lost in a huge race, but realized that winning isn't all that important, and blahblah (highly overdone. I'm glad you didn't do this).