Hi, this is my essay for the December 1st deadline for the University of Southern California. It's 31 words over the limit so I'm trying to see what i should take out, and if the essay answers the prompt thoroughly. Thank you for your help!
Please write an essay, approximately 500-700 words (typically one page)
USC's speaker series "What Matters to Me and Why" asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.
all souls day
I come from a very devout Catholic family and ...
Several pieces of luggage from the Philippines were strewn out around the room.
The jewelry belonged to my great-grandmother in the Philippines. My grandma kept it for all these years in remembrance of her mother.
...she showed us the message he had written on for her on her seventh birthday.
It is important to remember where I come from, and who brought me to where I am today.
They introduced me to my faith and taught me the difference between right and wrong.
She does everything from cooking and cleaning to keeping us all in line.
This is great!;
My friends are my eyes, as they show me the world through different perspectives.
Had I not had a chance to experience these things , I may not know the different lifestyles of the countries that await me.
On November 2nd, All Soul's Day, my relatives come together in prayer to honor our ancestors who have passed away. This past fall on All Souls' Day, my grandma, whom we call Lola, called my four younger sisters and I to her room to show us something. Several pieces of luggage from the Philippines were strewn around the room. My grandma took out an old rusting jewelry box from one of her suitcases. Opening the box, she revealed the vintage 1930's jewelry it contained. They belonged to my great-grandmother. My grandma kept them for all these years in remembrance of her mother. From her father she had a prayer book that was starting to fall apart. She opened it gingerly and showed us the message he had written for her on her seventh birthday. She had preserved these belongings, along with others from close friends and relatives, and with them she preserved their influences on her life. It was not the objects themselves that held the value, but the people they represented. After hearing my grandma's stories I felt like I understood her better. I finally knew her background and the people who made her who she is today I began to think of the significant people in my life and how they have affected me.
Each significant person plays a role in my life. My parents are my brain-they have helped me shape my understanding of the world. They introduced me to my faith and taught me the difference between right and wrong. I have learned the value of diligence and dedication-my parents are both prime examples of each. My dad is constantly working in order to keep a roof over our heads, but also makes time to spend with the family. My mom is the glue that holds the family together. She does everything from cooking and cleaning and keeping us all in line. Both have been devoted to having a happy and unified family, and they have made sacrifices to keep it that way. To show my appreciation I try to contribute to the family and perform my best in school.
As the oldest of five daughters I've had my share of responsibilities and there has always been pressure on me to set a good example for my siblings(you already say that you're the oldest you don't have to say younger siblings) . My sisters serve as my arms and legs because they influence my actions and decisions. To them I am a role model, and therefore I have to be responsible and set positive examples for them. Before I make a decision I consider not only how the consequences will affect me but my family as well.
Throughout my school years I have made several friendships with many different people. They vary in race and religion and have exposed me to their different cultures. My friends are my eyes, as they show me the world through different perspectives. Because of the diversity I have witnessed the complexity of the Bharatanatyam Indian classical dance, the hip-hop styles of urban arts, and even my own Filipino culture. I have become increasingly curious and restless to explore the foreign cultures of the world. Had I not had a chance to experience these things, I may not know the different lifestyles of the countries that await me.
But most of all it is because of my grandparents, especially my Lola, that I understand the meaning of empathy and affection. They play the essential role of my heart, by teaching me to care about others before myself by contributing to society. They encourage community service to give back to the world that has provided me with so much. I have a close relationship with my family because of their efforts to keep us together, and it is because of them that I can appreciate the people in my life.
Like a body cannot function without each organ or part, I would not be able to behave and think the way I do without these people in my life. Without them, I may not be the responsible, dedicated, and open-minded person I am today. Just as my Lola remembers her past, I will always remember the people who have shaped my life.
I tried to cut down your words. it should be under 700 now. I just made a few changes.
Since I'm not applying to USC, I'm not quite sure how the prompt should be answered or what the admissions counselors look for but I think you did a great job. The only suggestion I would make is cutting down on the first paragraph it seems like it's too focused on your grandmother. You mention her countless times in the essay so it wouldn't matter much. It's nice how you start off with a story though.