Application essay
Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program, please discuss your interest in each program. (900 characters limit)
Programs: Mechanical Engineering, Mathematics, Computer Science
I want to pursue a career in Mechanical Engineering at Waterloo because I want to bring the Aerospace Industry to Canada. Co-op Engineering at Waterloo is designed to provide experience in large multidisciplinary teams, problem-solving, and innovation, all of which I need to direct such a venture. The Engineering IDEAs Clinic, the Sedra Design Centre, and its Rocketry Team are of specific interest to me; the opportunity provided by these playgrounds validates that Mechanical Engineering at Waterloo is the next step in accomplishing my goals. Building on my passion for space, I am also interested in unknowns. Mathematical Physics and Computer Science programs empower me to take this path, equips me with the tools required to analyze data, and solve bizarre problems. The Institutes for Quantum Computing and Theoretical Physics allow me to become a modern explorer.
I feel like you should elaborate on why this program will help YOU, why it ties into YOUR goals and ambitions. For example, you talked about Co-op but didn't really elaborate on how or why it would help you. You're showing that you've done a lot of research about your program and Waterloo (which is great) but it's not really talking about you or your goals. Also the last sentence doesn't really make sense to me. Other than that, I think your paragraph is good, you just need to connect your points and take out some unnecessary info. Lastly, I feel like this question shouldn't really be answered on a research based way. Talk more about yourself and your goals. You can show that you've done research on the Engineering section of the AIF.
The Engineering IDEAs Clinic, the Sedra Design Centre, and its Rocketry Team are of specific interest to me; the opportunity provided by these playgrounds validates that Mechanical Engineering at Waterloo is the next step in accomplishing my goals.
This sentence is another example where you could elaborate on or even take out and talk about in the Engineering section
Here is the fixed version:
Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program, please discuss your interest in each program. (900 characters limit)
Programs: Mechanical Engineering, Mathematics, Computer Science
I want to get an undergraduate degree in Mechanical Engineering, Math, or CS, and become an entrepreneur while gaining industrial experience through the co-op program. Waterloo Engineering provides experience in large multidisciplinary teams and innovative technologies while connecting individuals to intellectually diverse communities. Alongside these opportunities, the Engineering IDEAs Clinic, the Sedra Design Centre, and its Rocketry Team are of specific interest to me; such playgrounds are the backbone of innovation and, thus, the next steps in accomplishing my goals as an entrepreneur in the aerospace industry. Building on my passion for space, I am also interested in unknowns. In either Math or CS, I want to master data analysis and problem-solving. Coupled with a range of co-op opportunities and surrounded by the Institutes for Quantum Computing and Theoretical Physics, these programs provide a solid foundation in research while building people-oriented skills. These opportunities are essential for any entrepreneur and are the reasons why I chose Waterloo.
It is 180 characters over the limit, so thoughts on that alongside general criticism would also be nice :)
@makineau
This is definitely much better! I still feel like there's lots of room to remove stuff though. I'm writing my AIF for Management Engineering right now and I chose to talk about the clubs and institutes Waterloo has etc, in in the question where it asks what you want to do in Waterloo Engineering. I feel like you should use this question to really show the admission officer your ambition in Mechanical Engineering and your other programs as a whole and your general interest in the school and then expanding on that in later questions
Building on my passion ... In either Math or CS, I want ...
Instead you could write: Building on my passion for space, I want to master data analysis and problem solving through either Math or CS.
Also since we're both writing our AIF's, I'd be happy to exchange info and help each other or something
I see what you mean now, and of course, we can exchange info. You can link your thread here if you'd like and I'd be glad to look through it. Or give me your email, so we can communicate there :)