UWC application - about an activity and its effect on own development

Help for kids in the Que Huong Charity Center

Among these activities, I truthfully want to talk about my trip to Que Huong Charity Center which is the house of 30 disabilities and 341 orphaned children. On October 15th 2016, our group of nine members rode 27 km from HCM city to Di An, Binh Duong, we donated food and all basic necessities we've prepared to the charity and our main activity is to help the staffs take care of the children. I didn't get used to little babies but when I saw the children craving for hugs and kisses I understood how disadvantaged they were so I clearly realize my responsibilities as a luckier person to devote myself in helping people and the community around have better lives that they deserve to.

Please give me the advice on the content and the grammar since I'm not a native speaker so I don't know where to fix it

Thank you so much :)

- HCM city, I didn't -> I think you should not use the abbreviation in your answer.
- "we've prepared to the charity and our main activity is to help ..." -> We had prepared for the charity... main activity was to help...

- "clearly realize" --> clearly realized

the last sentence is a little bit.. weird, I think you should put some commas there so it will be more comprehensive (:

Well hope i become helpful! Good luck for your application!

Van, I know that this essay has a maximum character or word requirement, which is why you are worried. Don't be. The essay that you wrote is good but disorganized. Let me show you how you can better organize this response in order to make it more coherent and targeted towards the prompt:

My trip to Que Huong Charity Center on October 15, 2016 with my organization, (name of organization), truly had an impact on my development. Housing 30 disabled and 341 orphaned children, our 9 member group trekked 27 kilometers from Ho Chi Minh to Di An, Binh Duong. Upon our arrival, we donated food and basic necessities while also helping the staff take care of children. Seeing their living conditions and need for love, care, and affection helped me understand the life of the disadvantaged. I came to realize what a lucky person I am and have since, devoted myself to helping better the lives of others in my community.

You can use this version that I made for you if you want. Otherwise, it is your template for editing your statement. Good luck with your application !