Hi, this is my essay for the Commonapp writing. I chose the topic "Evaluate a significant experience...and its impact on you", and below is my essay. I'd be grateful if you could give me some advice on the content and the grammar. Thanks...!
It was my first time to wear high heels. After a deep breath, I walked onto the stage: The magnesium lights were flashing my eyes and I was trying pretty hard to compose myself. Standing on the podium, I bowed, I smiled, and I started my speech. The topic was "2008, I'm learning".
"2008 has been a year of surprises...I'm learning to see the meaning of life..."
My instinct told me that something would be wrong. Facing the audience and the judges, I didn't feel the excitement I had expected. I was nervous! This competition was to be shown to the whole country and almost every high school student would watch this program! I told myself, "You can do it." But before long, I found myself totally blanked.
I forgot my speech.
Now that I think about it, I still praise myself for reacting so quickly. I said to myself: "you flew thousands of miles to Beijing, and you are not here to embarrass yourself!" Within a few milliseconds, I continued to talk, simply to avoid the awkward silence. I kept smiling, but I can clearly remember that I thought I was doomed. Everyone else was delivering their wonderful, well-prepared, inspiring speech, while I was there blabbering and smiling foolishly. The feeling of desperation flooded in my heart and all I wanted to do was run away. But I couldn't! The camera was on me and everybody in China would see me escaping as a coward! Then I gave up the thought and concentrated on what to say next. I was talking slowly, my voices contracted and I forgot my well-planned body movements. I didn't dare to look into the eyes of those judges because I was afraid that I might be distracted by them. Those several minutes were like a century to me.
I finally finished, bowed again, and walked down. I looked ahead, because I didn't want people to see my disappointment. I was feeling depressed and nervous, and I couldn't stop thinking about my lousy speech up there. People will see this! I just delivered my worst speech (or my best impromptu speech) in CCTV! Things were getting complicated in my mind; I wanted to smile but tears welled up in my eyes, I wanted to cry but I still composed a smile because a camera was following me at the backstage. I squeezed a smile apologetically to the camera, and kept silent from then on. A fierce fight was going on in my head: maybe the judges couldn't tell that I was giving an impromptu speech! Maybe I was as good as other contestants! But it was really probable that I got eliminated from the first round!
And then I started to remember those successful moments in my life -when I got my gold medals or ranked 1st in different competitions and performances held in my city, in my province or even in the southern area of China. From 6 to 17, I seldom experienced failure because I just have the knack of being the best in whatever area I'm competing. When I stood on stage I didn't have to worry about the results because I know I've worked hard and success would come to me.
However, that day in CCTV was very different. When all the contestants lined up on the stage, the judges were giving comments on our performances. My hands were like ice. One of the judges, a very handsome English man ruthlessly pointed out my grammatical mistake: "When you say 'challenges' use 'them' but not 'it'."
Without a doubt, I got eliminated. The program only allowed 10 people for the second round; I was not one of them. Luckily my rank in the 20 people was pretty close to 10, so this may be one good thing among all the upsetting events. After knowing the result, 10 of us walked off the stage. I had such a strong desire to cry; I walked directly into the bathroom and squatted on the floor, tears came out immediately. "It's over. The competition is over now." I had anticipated myself to be at least the third place of the national finals, but now everything had ended.
On the plane back to Guangzhou, I kept thinking about my really unusual experience in Beijing, and I was looking at it from a different perspective. Yes, the program would be broadcasted and everyone would see it. So what? I'm still one of the best contestants comparing to those millions of high school students who didn't even have the opportunity to come to CCTV! I don't need a gold medal to prove myself. I know I'm far more than that xxx(my name) people see on TV. On the plane an American sat next to me and we had such a pleasant talk. He said that I could speak English better than anyone else he had ever encountered in China. I told myself: "if the experience is some test of your ability to handle failure, then you've passed it."
I admit that I kind of messed up my one and only chance in high school to participate in such a big competition, but I wouldn't deny this is my best failure in my life. To know that you're good is something easy in life; to know that you can be better is much more valuable than winning a contest.
It was my first time to wear high heels. After a deep breath, I walked onto the stage: The magnesium lights were flashing my eyes and I was trying pretty hard to compose myself. Standing on the podium, I bowed, I smiled, and I started my speech. The topic was "2008, I'm learning".
"2008 has been a year of surprises...I'm learning to see the meaning of life..."
My instinct told me that something would be wrong. Facing the audience and the judges, I didn't feel the excitement I had expected. I was nervous! This competition was to be shown to the whole country and almost every high school student would watch this program! I told myself, "You can do it." But before long, I found myself totally blanked.
I forgot my speech.
Now that I think about it, I still praise myself for reacting so quickly. I said to myself: "you flew thousands of miles to Beijing, and you are not here to embarrass yourself!" Within a few milliseconds, I continued to talk, simply to avoid the awkward silence. I kept smiling, but I can clearly remember that I thought I was doomed. Everyone else was delivering their wonderful, well-prepared, inspiring speech, while I was there blabbering and smiling foolishly. The feeling of desperation flooded in my heart and all I wanted to do was run away. But I couldn't! The camera was on me and everybody in China would see me escaping as a coward! Then I gave up the thought and concentrated on what to say next. I was talking slowly, my voices contracted and I forgot my well-planned body movements. I didn't dare to look into the eyes of those judges because I was afraid that I might be distracted by them. Those several minutes were like a century to me.
I finally finished, bowed again, and walked down. I looked ahead, because I didn't want people to see my disappointment. I was feeling depressed and nervous, and I couldn't stop thinking about my lousy speech up there. People will see this! I just delivered my worst speech (or my best impromptu speech) in CCTV! Things were getting complicated in my mind; I wanted to smile but tears welled up in my eyes, I wanted to cry but I still composed a smile because a camera was following me at the backstage. I squeezed a smile apologetically to the camera, and kept silent from then on. A fierce fight was going on in my head: maybe the judges couldn't tell that I was giving an impromptu speech! Maybe I was as good as other contestants! But it was really probable that I got eliminated from the first round!
And then I started to remember those successful moments in my life -when I got my gold medals or ranked 1st in different competitions and performances held in my city, in my province or even in the southern area of China. From 6 to 17, I seldom experienced failure because I just have the knack of being the best in whatever area I'm competing. When I stood on stage I didn't have to worry about the results because I know I've worked hard and success would come to me.
However, that day in CCTV was very different. When all the contestants lined up on the stage, the judges were giving comments on our performances. My hands were like ice. One of the judges, a very handsome English man ruthlessly pointed out my grammatical mistake: "When you say 'challenges' use 'them' but not 'it'."
Without a doubt, I got eliminated. The program only allowed 10 people for the second round; I was not one of them. Luckily my rank in the 20 people was pretty close to 10, so this may be one good thing among all the upsetting events. After knowing the result, 10 of us walked off the stage. I had such a strong desire to cry; I walked directly into the bathroom and squatted on the floor, tears came out immediately. "It's over. The competition is over now." I had anticipated myself to be at least the third place of the national finals, but now everything had ended.
On the plane back to Guangzhou, I kept thinking about my really unusual experience in Beijing, and I was looking at it from a different perspective. Yes, the program would be broadcasted and everyone would see it. So what? I'm still one of the best contestants comparing to those millions of high school students who didn't even have the opportunity to come to CCTV! I don't need a gold medal to prove myself. I know I'm far more than that xxx(my name) people see on TV. On the plane an American sat next to me and we had such a pleasant talk. He said that I could speak English better than anyone else he had ever encountered in China. I told myself: "if the experience is some test of your ability to handle failure, then you've passed it."
I admit that I kind of messed up my one and only chance in high school to participate in such a big competition, but I wouldn't deny this is my best failure in my life. To know that you're good is something easy in life; to know that you can be better is much more valuable than winning a contest.