'I am a vibrant figure' - Why are you applying to this college?

I am applying to several colleges and a few of them have the same essay prompt, "In less than 500/750 words, Why are you applying to this college?" Well, I have formulated an essay, in my own words, from an essay I found on the internet. I just want to know, is this a good essay? Will it be considered as plagiarism? What can I change?

Here it is:

I am a vibrant figure, often seen helping the elderly cross the road and sculpting ice. I was the one who struck two flint stones and discovered fire; the cavemen were my spying neighbors. I served as a guide for Moses and the Israelites during the Exodus. I was a key asset amongst the 20th Maine Volunteer Infantry Regiment at Little Round top. Billy the Kid was my partner in crime; Billie Jean is my lover. I negotiated peace treaties in the UN Security Council, I write award-winning tunes, and I manage my time efficiently.

All the women around me turn their heads towards me the moment I touch my guitar. I can complete the Indy 500 in less than 200 laps, and Michael Shoemaker took lessons from me. I cook a mean bowl of ramyen that will leave you wanting for more for more over a week. I am a professional in bowling and a veteran of love.

Wielding only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly quenched a severe drought and famine incident in Chad. I played with the Beatles, The Doors, Aerosmith, and Alter Bridge. I was scouted by Manchester United, and I have been interviewed by many news stations, primarily CNN. I enjoy parkour: the city is my playground. On Fridays, after school, I repair guitars free of charge.

I am a concrete comedian and an abstract analyst. I donate blood every other week. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Last year I participated in the Tour De France. Children trust me.

I can soccer balls at small moving objects with great accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Crime and Punishment, Oliver Twist, and the Odyssey in one day and still had time to reorganize my living room that evening. I can pinpoint the exact location of an item in the Commissary. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep standing up. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

My bills are all paid, a year in advance. On weekends, to let off steam, I play my guitar for over twelve hours; the sun stops to watch me rock out. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have won many times on Survivor and got first place in spelling bees in the Forbidden City. I have played as Macbeth; I have performed at the '99 Woodstock; and I witnessed Elvis leave the building.

But something was missing: I have not yet gone to college.

(438 words)

Bump....anyone? Please help?!

I've read the original essay which you've formulated from and remember it very clearly because it was an impressive essay. But since the essay is famous and is widely spread across on the Web, I think it's almost certain that most of admission officers have read it. Therefore I suggest you not to write in the similar style--the admission officers may not consider it as plagiarism, but they'll consider it as boring and uncreative. Please bring out something unique, surprising, delighted and fresh. Something that's about you, the only you, and can be found no elsewhere. And when readers have such kind of writing to read, they can be satisfied no more. As for me, reading such writing is always exciting and enjoyable.

There are several colleges in California. I choose this college because it is far away from my home town, and it has lots of nonacademic activities. Most of all, I enjoyed the beautiful campus.

I have spend most of my life in my home town. I knew all the shops and friends and there is nothing exciting to me. Although I enjoyed living in my home town, I need to explore to a broader environment.

The first day I sent o the college. There was an exciting site which attracted me. There were people who gathering to film the movie, and Tom Hanks was the major character. I was impressed by the incident and decide to join this college.

The campus has a very beautiful setting. I have never tired of watching the sunset and flower blooming. It makes the building an exquisite scenery and enhance my study.

It is not easy to choose a college suite for me. However, I found this college did provide me the opportunity to be independent. It is also has versatile life style, and it is a beautiful campus. Based on the above, I choose this particular college to attend.

Okay, thought so. I was just asking to see if it was okay. I have another essay to use instead. But by and by, thanks for answering me! :) I really appreciate it!