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"I volunteered at the homeless shelter" - Struggling with UF ESSAY



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Sep 13, 2010   #1
TOPIC: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

My most memorable experience that will forever be imprinted in my head was the day I volunteered at the homeless shelter. I was with my program, Upward Bound, and our group was assigned the homeless shelter; once we arrived we were assigned to clean up the area. As I walked around, I saw people smoking, kids playing in the playground, mothers with a face of shame, depression in their eyes asking," how did I get to this point?" As we were cleaning up, I reflected back over my life and all the times I felt as though I had nothing, it made me realize I had more than enough. In reality, these people struggle for the basic necessities of life and if it was not for the shelter aiding them through these hardships where would they be? While I was growing up, getting hand downs from my big sister I was poor. Mainly because I did not want my mom buying me clothes she had other things to worry about such as a bills, clothes weren't that important.

Watching the people interact was just like another day; never realizing my presence meant nothing to them. One of my goals is to help the less fortunate. A couple of my friends and I came up with an idea of how to help them. The participants of the Upward Bound Program, who had clothes that didn't fit or they no longer wear anymore, would be donated to the homeless shelter. My volunteering experience at the homeless shelter conveyed a life I had never grasped. It made me realize as a person who I am that what I have is far too great, and that this experience will travel with me forever. It has shown me that the contributions I can bring to University Florida are my leadership skills and dedication to my academic studies.

Thank you..

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Sep 15, 2010   #2
"H ow did I get to this point?"

While I was growing up, getting hand downs from my big sister I was poor. Mainly because I did not want my mom buying me clothes she had other things to worry about such as a bills, clothes weren't that important. This part is unclear and muddled, but I really like the rest of the essay. I crossed this part out because it seems like it does not belong. Think about this:

What does the trip to the shelter have to do with the work you might do after you finish college. What kind of work do you want to do?

It has shown me that the contributions I can bring to University Florida are my leadership skills and dedication to my academic studies. This seems random.

Give a theme. Look deep into your mind and find the intention, the vision for your future. What is the significance of this shelter visit to that vision? Write about that in every paragraph.


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