I have written this essay for my common app. Please read my essay and leave any comments, suggestions on how to improve it.
( I'm not sure if this essay will work out in reflecting my personality as the AO want). Please help me.
I had a nightmare. I was walking a long distance trying to reach a kind of bright light. People were glaring at me. I had faded bits of worn out pants. Every time I thought I reached the destination, I was hallucinating. I was tired and worn out but I was never able to reach the bright light. I was never there. I woke up. It was 6 AM. It was my physics exam that day. There is almost negligible probability of nightmares coming into reality. But somehow that particular Wednesday was almost a nightmare to me. I had to walk almost fifteen miles being about one and a half hour accounting my speed in walking, to school. It was dreadful. I thanked the bunch of people out on the streets, calling bandhs (nation-wide shut-downs) for giving me an excuse to burn calories and also the CIE for kindly not postponing the exam. Sorry, but I was being sarcastic.
I did walk all the way from my home to my school but there was still an hour or so left for the exams (at least I reached my destination unlike in the nightmare.). Porcia comes up to me says she had a tag saying "parikshya"(Having exams) stuck on the front of her dad's bike and it had paid off as an excuse to let her escape from the protesters. I wasn't really shunned but I was glad she was on time. All the other friends came walking to school and complained about being tired, the bandh and the CIE. Eventually we had to give our exams because we could not avoid it because we were bound to the international rules of CIE. It was noon and I had to walk back home but this time I thought I would take the rikshaw. How bad could karma get at me? He demanded for an amount I couldn't possibly afford. So I walked. Just for the record, I walked two more days to school.
The "walking phase" as I want to call it, was a time that made me frustrated, scared, angry but at the same time happy, calm and excited. I was frustrated because of the situation, the bandh, the violence, becoming unable to choose. I was scared because, the future was at stake, the future of our country, the future of the upcoming generation just because of the people who had no other way to resolve but to take on the streets. I was angry because commoners like me were suffering, especially students. Likewise, I was happy and calm because I got to realize the ethical justification of people's actions. Most of all excited because I took the risk of having faith and hope of all the issues and problems that are so apparent us before and now to be fixed.
As I walked back home the next day, I realized we are inherently selfish creatures and we often tend to complain about just everything. I may have complained about the 56 hr/week load shedding (power cut off), the ever increasing living costs, and shortage of gas, bandhs and so on. Even if I am pre-occupied with day to day survival, I won't be able to avoid the issues of my society or my country because in real I am suffering from those issues. Eventually, like all the citizens of my country, I took everything normally and learn to bear and cope with the situation. But the bottom line is, it's not just about coping difficult situations but about learning to handle them. In fact, what my friend Porcia did that day could be an example of handling situations. Patience and perseverance are the qualities that can redeem the issues. I learnt to realize that complaining is just a habit, habit that is easy to make and break.
Many people say that our future is at stake, from the corrupt politics, bandhs and violence. But a bunch of people as I call them had come to the streets with an ethical justification not just with a reason that we could not justify. I learnt how our actions always have justifications (exceptions to impulsive actions). When actions have justifications of ethical or moral, justice or injustice, they will create faith and hope without judgment. Future is still here to come, it's about how we operate within the time being to help it succeed or fail.
After all that I have been through in those three days, I believed in optimism. Even though I have electricity at home for 14 hours a day, even though there are bandhs, violence, hatred, even though lot of people are racially stereotype, somewhere in those negativities, I don't think my country is unlivable and politically that unstable. Never giving up spirit and finding the rights in the wrongs are qualities that are today in me. I have grown up in developing qualities that has defined the Nepali in me. People just need to change the way they look at things so that they can become a morally functional human being. Nevertheless I realized the importance of what it means for me being a Nepali. I am proud and the pride will always be there.
This sure is great writing material, but your usage of word is a little awkward...I'm an international student myself, maybe you can ask a native speaker to revise it a bit?
that really was a great essay, I was interested all the way through, but I agree with anally also, some of the wording was a bit awkward
No you cannot exceed the 500 words. This is a great essay though. The common app essay should be as to the point as possible, while giving them a good understanding of who you are. If something isn't completely essential to the understanding of the essay than it can be cut. Frivolous descriptions should be avoided.
