Hey everyone, my name is Edward and I'm writing my application essays and I would like some feedback on them. Any help would be appreciated. I am applying to Stanford by the way, just in case that affects anything. I haven't picked the title yet. Here it is:
I went up on the stage and bowed. I gave a great big smile to my parents who I could clearly see in the middle of the audience, but inside I didn't feel so confident. My heart was beating a thousand miles per hour and I slowly walked towards the black behemoth. I sat, adjusted the bench, and left my hands on my lap. I tried to stop the shaking, but I couldn't, so placed my hands on the keyboard started playing.
The piece had a dramatic beginning that started with a bang and then went into a lyrical section where one could almost hear a choir singing in the background. I had to allow the music to flow free from my hands but I also had to be careful because how hard you pressed your fingers, in what shape your fingers were in, and how much the force your fingers exerted on the piano all mattered. That wasn't all. There were more than five different depths the pedal could go, more than ten different occasions in which the left pedal were needed, or a millisecond difference in how long a rest should be and not be. As I tried to balance the technicality of playing music and making music as a musician, I had to give an inhuman effort to give great music to the audience. As my fingers went up and down following the gentle contours of the black and white keys, I tried to let my brain unconsciously follow the technicalities and slowly eased into the relaxation of music. I closed my eyes, leaned back and right at that moment I was in pure bliss.
A jarring note split the air. I quickly opened my eyes and realized that I had accidently made a mistake and ended up in the wrong place. My mind raced and I threw my hands to the nearest section I remembered. I took care of the mistake, but I was now worried that the audience wouldn't appreciate my performance anymore. I finished the piece, trying to keep my countenance, just like I did in the beginning of the piece. I stood up, smiled at the audience, bowed, and came down from the stage.
After the concert, I went out into the bright lights of the reception ready to quickly leave the concert hall, but as I was passing a group of people, I overheard a group of people talking about my performance.
"Did you listen to the piece Edward played?"
"Yeah, it was amazing."
"You can tell he was really into it and put all his effort into it."
At that moment, I realized it didn't matter how many negligible mistakes I made. I made music and shared my love of music with the audience. No way would all my hours of practicing and my efforts be canceled by one mistake. Just like my piano teacher told me, I am not just a pianist, I am a musician.
I was wondering if it was too vague on my qualities so feel free to offer any advice. Thanks!
I went up on the stage and bowed. I gave a great big smile to my parents who I could clearly see in the middle of the audience, but inside I didn't feel so confident. My heart was beating a thousand miles per hour and I slowly walked towards the black behemoth. I sat, adjusted the bench, and left my hands on my lap. I tried to stop the shaking, but I couldn't, so placed my hands on the keyboard started playing.
The piece had a dramatic beginning that started with a bang and then went into a lyrical section where one could almost hear a choir singing in the background. I had to allow the music to flow free from my hands but I also had to be careful because how hard you pressed your fingers, in what shape your fingers were in, and how much the force your fingers exerted on the piano all mattered. That wasn't all. There were more than five different depths the pedal could go, more than ten different occasions in which the left pedal were needed, or a millisecond difference in how long a rest should be and not be. As I tried to balance the technicality of playing music and making music as a musician, I had to give an inhuman effort to give great music to the audience. As my fingers went up and down following the gentle contours of the black and white keys, I tried to let my brain unconsciously follow the technicalities and slowly eased into the relaxation of music. I closed my eyes, leaned back and right at that moment I was in pure bliss.
A jarring note split the air. I quickly opened my eyes and realized that I had accidently made a mistake and ended up in the wrong place. My mind raced and I threw my hands to the nearest section I remembered. I took care of the mistake, but I was now worried that the audience wouldn't appreciate my performance anymore. I finished the piece, trying to keep my countenance, just like I did in the beginning of the piece. I stood up, smiled at the audience, bowed, and came down from the stage.
After the concert, I went out into the bright lights of the reception ready to quickly leave the concert hall, but as I was passing a group of people, I overheard a group of people talking about my performance.
"Did you listen to the piece Edward played?"
"Yeah, it was amazing."
"You can tell he was really into it and put all his effort into it."
At that moment, I realized it didn't matter how many negligible mistakes I made. I made music and shared my love of music with the audience. No way would all my hours of practicing and my efforts be canceled by one mistake. Just like my piano teacher told me, I am not just a pianist, I am a musician.
I was wondering if it was too vague on my qualities so feel free to offer any advice. Thanks!