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U of Texas, Austin Topic A (every stage of my life)

KeonYe 6 / 17  
Jan 26, 2009   #1
Every stage in my life through which I have walked has helped disinter my potential. Coming to this stage, I deeply understand what my true calling is. I consider myself have lived my life fully so far as I have never given up but been constantly working hard for my interest in physics. I feel very motivated to pursue my goals in life and I believe that through instilling myself with endless knowledge and willingness to put forth extra efforts, I can achieve my goal of becoming an engineer.

From a young age, my life has revolved around experimenting and creating. As a kid, I built cars, airplanes, and even kingdoms from Lego bricks. I also separated old toy cars into electronic components and plastic pieces, and of course, tried putting them back together. From all these seemingly ordinary toys, I derived my incessant curiosity and enthusiasm for physics. "Why are the wheels of the toy cars made of rubber but not plastic?" "How can I increase the car's velocity?" These types of questions always popped out in my mind. Using limited materials and knowledge, I sought for the answers to every question I had. For example, I oiled the axles of my toy car and there I had successfully increased the car's speed. Toys were not just toys for me, but often vehicles of learning.

As I grew up, I was acquainted with subjects like Physics and Chemistry. Many of the questions which I could not find the answers to were answered by these subjects during my high school education. Discovering the world fascinated me; revealing the truth enthralled me. I acknowledged science, particularly physics, as my true interest. Hence, I wanted to be an engineer. However, I often questioned, am I eligible to be one? It was a question to which I could not find the answer in any Physics book. I decided to work part-time for a computer company during my school holidays in search for the answer to this question.

I had been exposed to more knowledge about technology working there. I was awed but not intimidated by the intricate electronic components. After all, physics intrigued me and that interest pushed me to learn more. However, I did not always do well. I accidentally connected the wrong wire on a motherboard and damaged it. Although I faced failure, I never shirked. If I could not even handle a computer, how could I be an engineer who would someday be involved in some big projects like automobile design? The failure in installing a motherboard only costs me money, but failure in handling a project as an engineer could cost human lives! Learning from my mistakes, I was finally able to set up and repair computers independently. I felt confident and believed that I could do well in engineering.

To prepare myself adequately for engineering course, I receive a well-rounded education including studies in sciences and humanities. I took up Calculus, Physics and Principles of Chemistry as these are the core subjects for an engineering student. The theories about dynamics, differential equation, and others which I learned from these subjects would definitely turn out useful when I need to apply them in the real working field. Besides that, I also took up humanities subjects like Introduction to Moral Education & Ethics. These subjects helped build up my characteristics. I believe that a good personality plays an important role especially for an engineer as this career requires strong interpersonal skills.

I set my goal to becoming an engineer, particularly a mechanical engineer, as I feel the need to contribute. I believe that knowledge shines the most when it is used for other people's sakes. Hence, I aim to improve human life with my knowledge. Being a government-sponsored student, I would be working for the Malaysian government as the sponsorship's condition stated after completing my tertiary education in the University of Texas, Austin. By then, it will be the time I contribute to the society. I will also start accumulating solid working experiences by working with different people. However, I do not foresee myself working in the government sector for my life. After serving the government for six years, I plan to work in the private sector or open my own engineering firm. I wish to specialize in the area of mechatronics and robotics and target myself to become a top Professional Engineer in this field in ten years time.

The University of Texas, Austin will help bring me to my goals. I will graduate and go back to Malaysia not only as an engineer but also as a person with further dreams to be achieved. That time, I will fully devote myself to achieving them. I am fully prepared to excel at any endeavor and commit myself to Malaysia, the world and also my dreams. With the passion driving me, I anticipate to be a leader, a thinker and an outstanding individual.

Please help me with my grammar and also the essay flow, idea, and overall impression. Did I answer the essay prompt correctly? Comments are all welcomed. Deadline is approaching >< pls help me~~ Thank you.

silverystars 14 / 105  
Jan 26, 2009   #2
Hi Kent,

I haven't taken time to read your entire essay yet, but I felt I had to go ahead and post about one item in particular. After reading the first sentence, I was struck by the word "disinter". It's a word that forces one to instantly run to their dictionary. I would recommend using simpler language, such as "helped unearth my potential" or "helped bring to light my potential".

Now back to reading your essay... :)

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Jan 27, 2009   #3
This is great, but I think it would be much stronger if you start it with the second paragraph. Try reading it from there, and see what you think.

For example, I oiled the axles of my toy car and there I had successfully increased the car's speed. Toys were not just toys for me, but often vehicles of learning. This is awesome! Good writing!

To prepare myself adequately for the engineering course, I received a well-rounded education including studies in sciences and humanities.

Then, it will be time for me to contribute to society.

Then, I will fully devote myself to achieving them.

It is very interesting that you have to work for the government upon your return home, and that seems like a good system!

Good luck!

OP KeonYe 6 / 17  
Jan 27, 2009   #4
Thanks silverystars and Kevin!
So I guess this essay has answered the prompt correctly? since I initially had this essay used for other essay prompt.. I had editted it a lil for this prompt tho
menamilad /  
Jan 27, 2009   #5
hey , I'm applying for the same university too through applytexas.com ; however , there is no essay requirements.. i mean after you submit the application do they send a supplemental form or what exactly. ?
OP KeonYe 6 / 17  
Jan 27, 2009   #6
no.. it's already stated there lol
anyway im applying as a transfer student.. maybe it's different? as i know the essays are different for transfer n freshman
serendipity123 3 / 5  
Jan 30, 2009   #7
yeah, many schools have different essay topics for transfer students and freshman applicants.
OP KeonYe 6 / 17  
Feb 9, 2009   #8
May I know how do I request to have this thread deleted?
I do not hope my essays would be plagiarized.. although it is not good enough to be plagiarized
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Feb 9, 2009   #9
Well, if anyone tries to steal your essay, you show that it is YOUR original work because you gave your full name when you became a member. So, that can work in your favor.

In order to see about getting the essay removed, see the TOS. :-(


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