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William and Mary Essay - Macaroni and Cheese (addiction essay)



lexi214 1 / 3  
Aug 19, 2012   #1
Beyond your impressive acedemic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? Provide us with some limited measure of your personality.

My Strange Addiction

I'm obsessed with Macaroni and Cheese, have been since I could chew. When I visit my grandma, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is "Just bought some Mac and Cheese for Lexi!" My distaste toward cooking and the simplicity of its preparation may play a small role in my attraction to the dish, but the entertainment I get from the food lies deep at the roots of my addiction.

From SpongeBob to Spiderman, spiral to your good ole fashion macaroni noodle, there is no limit to the fun you can have. I love looking at the different characters, sorting them by gender, likability, etc., and eating them accordingly. It's a fun and resourceful way to travel back in time to age seven, when I had an imagination the size of Bikini Bottom and worries the size of Plankton.

Macaroni and Cheese and I go way back, so undoubtedly we've had some bumps in the road. One decently-sized speed bump occurred on a routine night coming home from dance class, when my rumbling stomach simply would not allow for the 10 minute prep time necessary for a normal serving of Mac and Cheese, so I popped a container of Easy Mac into the microwave, and scurried upstairs to change out of my leotard. As I trudged my way back downstairs, the distinct and dreadful smell of smoke penetrated my senses, as my eyes began to water from the fumes. I never put water into the mix! I leapt down the last few steps, chasse'ed my way over to the microwave spewing with smoke, and opened the door to let the dark grey clouds spread throughout the kitchen. Once I concluded that nothing was going to catch fire, I ran outside to escape the fumes, and opened doors and windows to air out the house. Needless to say, the two leading effects this event has had on me are the expenses of a new microwave, and the incessant teasing done by family and friends due to my little "blonde moment" as they call it. My companion had failed me that day, but our relationship has carried on.

Now some may devise some profound lesson they learned from an experience like mine. Me? I learned to always read the directions on the back of the box!

I have hear from many that William and Mary likes their essays weird and funny. I'm sure there is plenty of grammar mistakes as well as bigger changes to the essay needed. Let me know what you think:)

KhanhZ 5 / 131  
Aug 20, 2012   #2
Hi, Alexis)
Well your essay is quite unique I'd say. Besides the suggestions below , you could add more descriptive details to make the image of the incident more vivid.

I'm obsessed with Macaroni and Cheese, have been since I could chew. I have been really obsessed with macaroni and cheese since I could chew/had grown a set of teeth.

My overall distaste toward cooking and the simplicity of that dish's preparation may play a small role in my attraction to the dish, but the entertainment (what exactly?) I get from the food lies deep at the roots of my addiction.

Bikini Bottom and worries the size of Plankton( use italics)

Macaroni and Cheese and I go a long way back

... likability, etc., and eating them accordingly. (ah..you don't explain "eating them" in your essay)

One decently-sized speed bump occurred on a routine night, when I was coming home from dance class, whenand my rumbling stomach simply would not allow( tolerate) for the 10 minute prep time necessary for a normal serving of Mac and Cheese, so I hastily popped a container of Easy Mac...

I never put water into the mix! (do you mean you never used to add water or you forgot to add it at that moment? )

I ran outside to escape the smothering fumes

Now, some may devise deduce somea profound lesson they learned from an experience like minethat
KhanhZ 5 / 131  
Aug 20, 2012   #3
I'm obsessed with Macaroni and Cheese, have been since I could chew ( I think in this case what I suggested before would be more grammatically right)

cooking and the simplicity of its preparation may play (this pronoun is supposed to refer to Mac and cheese, but it doesn't)

not allow for the 10 minute (you don't use "allow for 1o minutes", really)

really, lexi, you should use my suggestions related to comprehension :)

my rumbling and bubbling stomach

As I sluggishly trudged

of smoke penetrated shocked my senses

chasse'ed my way over to the microwave spewing with smoke ( here it is written like you spewed smoke)

and opened doors and windows to air out the house. I flopped down on the window ledge, feeling my skin starting to cover with goosebumps, as the cool wind blew in. Hah, hah! I began shaking, not from cold, but with laughter, amused by silliness of this situation. (something like that)

that's it for now, it's kinda late where I am, namely 00.05 o'clock. I ''ll think of something better tomorrow, oh later today I mean))
admission2012 - / 475  
Aug 20, 2012   #4
Hello Alexis,

I think your essay is unique and I showed it to a few colleagues of mine. We all agree it is unique and somewhat quirky but it might not be the best impression you want to give to the admissions committee. What if the reader of your application were blonde...you never want to potentially offend the reader. Secondly, and more importantly, your essay is about how you are absentminded. I am not sure that would be the best focus for an essay aimed at getting you into one of the oldest and most prestigious programs in the nation. I would still keep the Mac and Cheese story, but would approach it from an angle of strength and not weakness. We can help. AAO

I also graded your essay using the same auto grader that many admissions programs use. Your essay scored: 83/100
OP lexi214 1 / 3  
Aug 20, 2012   #5
I didn't see it that way but you are absolutely right. I will try to come at it from a different angle and re-post. Thank you!
KhanhZ 5 / 131  
Aug 21, 2012   #6
I do agree with Kevin that saying "blonde moment" might not be politically correct, but I don't really perceive the incident described in your essay as a evidence of absent-mindedness. After all, you were hungry and tired, so that's explains you being sloppy. And as you wrote before, the questions asks :what else makes you unique and colorful?, so I think the content is OK, it's not about weaknesses nor strengths, it is just about who you are. Al least that's my opinion.
admission2012 - / 475  
Aug 21, 2012   #7
Hello Alexis,

I read your revision and it appears that you are now all over the place. Maybe you should just remove the entire portion where you talk about the fire or if you really want to include the fire incident, make it so that it reads as though "not even this fire could have stopped me from getting my [daily fix] of mac and cheese. Your essay title is "My Strange Addiction." Focus on that theme throughout the entire essay. As it stands now, you start out with that theme but later transition into a theme of "taking time out to take a step back each day." Both are great themes but both do not belong in the same short essay. I suggest that you stick with "My Strange Addiction," take the reader on an adventurous ride of your joys with the food. Let the reader get a real sense of your addiction to Mac and Cheese. I assure you, it will make your essay unique, quirky and entertaining.


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