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"And the Winner is..." Common App Essay- Option #2, Failure


anobel82 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2013   #1
Prompt: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, what lessons did you learn?

"And the winner for Student Body President is..." For all I could remember, becoming President of the school was my ultimate goal. I joined freshman year, climbing up the ranks each year. I could not believe that the words I have been waiting to hear, was finally here.

Noise surrounded me, but in that moment the only thing that I felt was silence. Right away I felt everything slip away from me, everything that I worked hard for from the beginning of my high school career was gone. Everyone and everything around me cease to exist at that moment. I thought to myself, how could I lose, I did everything right? The feeling of failure at the time was not difficult do deal with but really it was unbearable.

Maybe it was because weeks before the election people were calling me " Lady President" or telling me " You have it in the bag" but something about this loss made me feel vulnerable. It was an unexpected loss that made me feel ashamed, and furthermore embarrassed.

As days passed, all I wanted to do was cry. At school, I put on a brave face, but at home it was different. Home, was my safe haven, it was where I could truly let all my feelings out.

My father told me that people fail everyday, but it isn't your loss that will define you, it is how you will rise from that fall. So, I told myself, " You have two options, A, you could be bitter and have this event bring you down in your last year of high school or B, you could accept the loss, learn from your mistakes, and furthermore, grow from this experience. Moving on was not the easiest thing to do, but it was the best thing that I did. Failing allowed me to evolve, learn, and change the way I saw. The experiences that I have made while being part of student government has not only shape me to be the person that I am today but it has been a major influence in what I want to major in college, which is Political Science. With this loss, I was able to gain a new perspective on what life would be like if I am going to be a future politician. I was able to learn from the mistakes I did in this election and apply it to another club election ,which I succeeded in. It has made me more determined than I ever was before. I needed this failure because it was like a slap in the face, wake up call to reality. If I won I would have not been able to evolve. I would be doing the same things that I would not know was wrong. I would be living in a world where there is only color, no black and white.The road to success does not come without its obstacles, but it is a journey worth taking.

DeppX 6 / 15 2  
Nov 21, 2013   #2
First I would like to mention two things : 1) Use more descriptive language , you used some in the first para but the rest all reads along, make it more narrative I meant ..

2) You could use some more words .. a 100 words more at least ..

If I won I would have not been able to evolve. I would be doing the same things that I would not know was wrong.

Did you do wrong things before ? You didn't. Try to rephrase it .

Hope that helps :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 20, 2013   #3
I could not believe that the words I have been waiting to hear, was finally here.

... This is confusing. I think you wanted to hear your name as the, but you heard someone else's name. Isn't it?
I couldn't believe why those words that I have been longing to hear were not there.

The feeling of failure at the time was not difficult do deal with but really it was unbearable.

I managed to deal with controlling my feelings on this failure at that moment, but it really was very painful to me.


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