WORK ETHIC; COMMONAPP -WORK EXPERIENCE

I have lost many social opportunities throughout high school due to working many hours every week. I have endured days filled with monotony and physical exhaustion from working and also attempting to be a good student in school. However, in return, I have developed a strong work ethic and have become a more mature and responsible seventeen year old. Over the past few years, I have obtained work experience at several restaurants and a salon. Working with people has taught me to possess a positive attitude and has helped me gain key traits in my character such as humility. I have helped my mother start her Salon business, which allowed me to gain a better insight about managing a business. I think that my experience with working in restaurants has contrasted from other teenagers because I have held greater responsibilities that most seventeen year olds would acquire, such as managing a restaurant on Sundays and days the owner could not come in. Although there were times that I despised working and preferred having a typical teenage Friday night, I am grateful with what I have learned because I think that it will help me one day in the future when I get a real job with business. Overall, I have learned how to operate efficiently in a professional environment. Although, I feel confident with my decision and passion for business, I do feel that I have a lot more to learn to become successful and would like to gain more skills in college.

There are no blatant grammar errors. You formulate sentences well. However, my one critique would be to make what you say unique. Not to sound mean, but I know a lot of people who can say "working taught me to have a good work ethic, etc..." What can you say that no one else can? What will catch the AdCom's attention?

There aren't many blatant punctuation errors, but there are indeed grammar problems:

---Too many sentences begin with the phrase "I have." (I stopped counting at three.)
---This appears to be about 250 words but you could have said the same things in 200 words. Check this out:

"I think that my experience with working in restaurants has contrasted from other teenagers..."

"Although there were times that I occasionally despised..."

Furthermore, what the person above me said about originality was correct.

Just fix the grammatical errors as others have mentioned and your good.

Good luck!

Thank you! I'm going to add to it now.