'worked in a real estate investment trust' - Professional Achievement - 200 word

I worked in a real estate investment trust XXXX this summer. My project was to modify the new investment model and use it for all our existing properties and future investments.

I was motivated by the significant responsibility, as all investment decisions would be based on the results from the model. Over the next two months, I worked closely with the department heads of Acquisition and Asset Management, to dissect the model, discuss about desired functions, and automate financial calculations. I also worked with people from IT and Accounting, to build in functions that linked our Oracle database directly to the financial model and automatically generated financial statements for each project. Without finance experience, I had to learn many accounting concepts on myself, and to read books after work to familiar myself with real estate valuation methods.

My diligence eventually paid off; I managed to finish the project beyond the expectation of my supervisors, and they gave me a cash bonus for my contribution to the company. This project offered me a chance to take on substantial responsibility and apply what I had learned into practice, and to test myself against a tough professional challenge.

any input will be appreciated!

Hey, Noob,

You know, when I see "Professional Achievement", I realize that it's something about results. It shouldn't be description about what you've done, it should be description about what you've done better than others could.

You write "I was motivated... I worked... I had to learn... " It's all about process! Write about results!
You've got bonus form the company. And now try to describe what for. For example, try to change "Without finance experience, I had to learn... and to read..." for something like "Thanks to my quick educability, even without finance experience I've mastered ... and made ...(results)".

If you change "I" for "You" in your essay, it will be description of somebodies duties. You don't need that!

Imagine, that 100 people worked with you on the same position and you should prove why you were the best. Everebody worked... But you were the best bacause...

Good luck!
Mizu

Thanks Mizu for your insights! I'll modify accordingly.