YSEALI essay application: The Future of Mental Health In Southeast Asia (2024 theme)

Hello everyone, I'm writing 4 essays to apply for a course in YSEALI.
Below are the requirements of one essay (in bold), the general instructions for all essays (in bold) and my essay for the essay.
Thank you so much for reading and any insight you give.

Describe a challenge you anticipate in fostering mental well-being within your team or organization as a budding manager. Outline one specific leadership strategy you plan to implement, to address this challenge. Limit your answer to 200 words.

Instructions: In the following essays, please demonstrate i) your leadership skills and experience and ii) how your work, career goals and interests align with the seminar theme, if possible.

"Even though my workplace promotes many tools to support staff's mental well-being, the local staff seem less involved than English-speaking staff. The problem can be mental health has more attention in developed countries while in Vietnam, especially rural areas like where I'm working, when mental health care is not available and mental health has many stigmas. This creates a challenge that even the local staff themselves are not aware of their mental well-being which leads to:

- people find it unnecessary or difficult to open up about their mental health
- people are not equipped to support their colleagues who have mental health issues

To address this, encouraging local staff to become familiar with the mental wellbeing concept:
- surveying to know how much people know about mental health
- make presentations (including with experts) about mental health
- encourage sick leave not only for physical but also mental health problems
- create a safe environment for staff to catch up "

You need to set up an actual scenario in the response to the prompt. The situation has to be hypothetical in relation mental health. This current presentation is way too brief to meet the 200 word requirement. It also must present an actual, possible problem that you would need to address in terms of mental health within the workplace. The depiction given is not strong enough. It does not meet the required application considerations. It would be better if you write a new essay so that you can consider creating a different scenario and address the possible leadership requirements you will need to display so that you can effectively resolve the situation. Language does not always have a mental health connection so you will need to figure out how to connect the 2.