IELTS academic task 1 - Energy consumption & greenhouse gas emission.

Prompt: The first chart below shows hoe energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of energy consumed by various appliances (water heater, heater, cooler, lights, refrigerator, and other appliances), and the greenhouse gases emitted by those appliances in an average Australian household.

Overall, the highest proportion (above 70%) of energy was consumed by heating devices (heater and water heater) and the lowest proportion of energy (6%) was consumed by lighting and cooling devices. Greenhouse gases emitted by water heater and other appliances together accounted for more than half of the total emissions.

In terms of energy used, two third of the total (75%) energy was used for heating purposes, in contrast to cooling and lighting, which only consumed 6% of the energy together. Energy consumed by refrigerator and other appliances were 7% and 15%, respectively.

With regard to greenhouse gas emissions, surprisingly, lights, refrigerators, and other appliances emitted twice the amount of the energy (8%, 14%, and 28%) they consumed. Greenhouse gases emitted by water heaters, heaters, and coolers comprised of other half (50%) of the total emissions.

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No.of.words = 170.

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Hello,
I have some remarks for you.
1. the greenhouse gases are emitted by those ...
2. Greenhouse gases are emitted by water heater ... It alsotogether accounted for more than ...
3. Greenhouse gases are emitted by water heaters...

Hi, I thought your report was very good. I see your point about the greenhouse gas values being twice the proportions of the energy use, but the way you phrased it didn't seem completely correct. I'm also not sure about your prodigious use of parentheses in this one. Maybe you know more about the grading than I do, but it seems like an easy shortcut to avoid having to formulate some complicated sentences. Does anyone know if the graders frown on the use of so many parentheses? Here are my {few} specific suggestions. By the way, I think a mix of active and passive voice as you have used sounds great.

The [two] pie charts illustrate the ...

... gases emitted by water heater[s ] and other appliances ...

In terms of energy used, two third[s ] of the total (75%) energy (...), which [together] only consumed 6% of the energy together . Energy consumed by refrigerator[s ] and other appliances were ...

... other appliances emitted [greenhouse gases at proportions] twice the amount of the energy (8%, 14%, and 28%) they consumed.
... and coolers comprised of [the] other half (50%) ...

Hello, TJ. Thank you for your feedback :)

I noticed a few mistakes that I had made only after I submitted the summary, and I concur with all your suggestions. I don't know whether evaluators would frown upon the usage of brackets, but I don't use them to evade formulating complex sentences. I'll try to use less number of brackets from here on :)

Thank you once again, TJ. Contributors on this forum are awesome and helpful.