These are some of my opinions. Hope this helps. I recommend you should write the third paragraph again.
Some believe that government need to invest on art
You might consider using invest instead of fund. They are a bit different.
while others think they have other priorities such as health, education and security.
The idea is right here but not what the topic gives. I suppose it should be "Others think that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources."
The #3 paragraph seems to be underdeveloped and the topic sentence should be something about alternative sources instead government have other priorities.