IELTS "adult life at work" - What factors contribute to job satisfaction?

Topic:
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Essay:

It is true that while people spend the large amount of time on their job, they want to enjoy and benefit from that. People satisfy their job for several ways, including well payment, good environment and a sense of achievement.

First of all, most people work for money to support their life. If the payment was lower than they expect, no one will be satisfied with their job. The well-payment will let employees feel worthy to do their job. The employers should consider the labor's contribution to pay reasonable money.

The work environment plays a important role when people choose their job. A good environment concludes comfortable and safety working surrounding and easy-going colleagues. When people are in a good mood, it will boost efficiency of working.

Achievement, in addition, is one of crucial factors for the employees. Some people could endure long working time and enormous pressure to gain their goal, since the success will bring self-satisfaction and happiness. If they can gain positive feedback from their work, people will fulfill their potential and promote them to make more efforts to work.

However, not everyone could find suitable job. It is difficult for people satisfying the job which they don't fascinate it. Finding a really appropriate work need fortunately opportunity. In a proportion of people want to change their job, because they do not pleased the contents of job which is boring and repeating.

In conclusion, even though it is impossible that all the workers content their job, it still has many functions to improve people to satisfy their job. The companies or employers can consider providing more well-payment, improving working place and fulfilling the high achievement. If the workers have more satisfaction of their job, they will bring more beneficial production.

It is true that while people spend the large amount of time on their job s , they want to enjoy and getsome benefits from that. People satisfy their job for several ways, including well payment, good environment and a sense of achievement.

This is how I think I should write the introduction:

It is true that people spend a large amount of time on their jobs is because they want to enjoy and have some benefits from them. People are satisfied/happy with their jobs if they are well-paid or there is a good working environment or a sense of achievement.

First of all, most people work for money to support their life lives. If the payments was is /are lower than they expect, no one will be satisfied with their jobs . The well- good payment will let make employees feel it is worth worthy doingto do their jobs . The employers should consider the labor's contribution to pay reasonable money.

...

Your argument is good and you have a good structure of the essay but you should be careful with grammar, especially Subject verb agreement.

Cheers

Thank you for your correction!

I am little confused with the final sentence:

let make employees feel it is worth doing to do their jobs.

Could I eliminate "to do"?

:)

inskychen

The work environment plays an important role when people choose their job. A good environment concludes comfortable and safety working surrounding and easy-going colleagues. When people are in a good mood, it will boost efficiency of working.

just wanted to correct at least on error :)

It is true that while people spend the large amount of time on their job- change "the" to "a"
If the payment was lower than they expect, no one will be satisfied with their job-change "payment" to " salary"
gain their goal,-change goal to "goals"
content their job-change job to "jobs"
it still has many functions to improve people to satisfy their job.-what do you mean by "it"
consider providing more well-payment, improving working place and fulfilling the high achievement.-providing more competitive salary, improving working condition.

If the workers have more satisfaction of their job, they will bring more beneficial production----

I personally think that your last sentence sounds awkward, so I would change it to "IF the workers are more satisfied with their jobs, they will become more productive at work, which is beneficial for the company."

Good luck

Androidman and Vanessa000, thank you very much.

it still has many functions to improve people to satisfy their job.-what do you mean by "it"

I change the order to let the subject more clear--

"...,the companies or employers still have many functions to improve people to satisfy their jobs. They can consider providing more well-payment, improving working place and fulfilling the high achievement."

The ending you revised is better.

I learn a lot from here. :)