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the age of the competition - IELTS - technologies and the demand for services change


dnile2012 1 / 2  
Jun 25, 2012   #1
Dear expert,

Pleae kindly help to improve my IELTS essay. Thank you all...

"As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your position with specific reasons and/or examples drawn from your reading, your observations, or your own experience.

There has been a dramatic development of technology in recent time. It is widely assumed that advanced technology and changes on demand for certain services has significantly affected the career of individual workers in a negative way. The majority of employees without high skill would lost their jobs. It has become a new trend to learn more than one skill for career. In this essay, it is often claimed that who is responsible for those workers in need of assistance. I am convinced that the responsibility for those people to adjust for such changes should belong to not only individual worker but also government or business.

Although employees should entirely have responsible for their own occupation and finding new skill, it seems to me that employees are the principal or the only beneficiaries for the business or company. Furthermore, government collects tax from workers so they should take care of its people. As I shall argue, there are very good reasons why state should fund for employees from general taxation. I believe that state funding of those who need further skill is a genuine investment and enhancing economy in the future, not only themselves but also for the country. Thus, the local authorities take into consideration of the advantages of employees and the state should encourage to some companies to retrain and retain their workers by reducing tax from company. Moreover, It is undeniable that there are many attributions why company ought to give opportunities to their workers by providing some training and send workers to attend suitable courses which offer advanced technologies without charges as it is win-win situation training means improved skilled which have contributed to the bringing efficiency and increased productivity at workplace. In my opinion, the more the company subsidizes the more loyalty and satisfied workers they can produce.

On the other hand, it is true to say that one's wellbeing is one's responsibility as individual workers have responsibility for their own career and to maintain their competitive edges with other workers. This is the age of the competition, the individuals should not satisfied with achieving present own skill and they know it very well without being told that to get a high rank or obtain the important position at workplace, they have to continue to learn new skill in order to attain their goal.

land1111 5 / 12  
Jun 25, 2012   #2
look at the picture attached.



OP dnile2012 1 / 2  
Jun 25, 2012   #3
@land1111

Thank you for your comments..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 26, 2012   #4
Although employees should entirely havebe responsible for their own occupation and findingdeveloping new skills

it seems to me that employees are the principal or the only beneficiaries for the business or company

this is confusing... what do you mean?

I believe that state funding offor those who need further skills is a genuine investment and that helps enhanceing economy in the future, not only themselves but also for the country.
mppaniz 3 / 6  
Jun 26, 2012   #5
It has become a new trend to learn more than one skill to build up your career.
finding a new skill or new skills
As I shall argue, / as it is argued
The second paragragh is better divided to two paraghragh.
deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jun 26, 2012   #6
It has become a new /trend/ (requirement ) to learn more than one skill for (successful) career. In this essay, it is often/ claimed / (argued) that who is responsible for those workers in need of assistance. I am convinced that the responsibility for those people to adjust for such changes should belong to not only individual worker (themselves) but also government or business (es).

Although employees should entirely /have / (be responsible ) for their own occupation and/ ( in possessing ) / finding/ new skill(s) , it seems /to me / that ...


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