IELTS Writing Task 1: Agriculture land degradation

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

My writing:
The pie chart demonstrates several factors that led to the land degradation worldwide in the 1990s, and the degree of their affection though out three regions (North America, Europe and Oceania) is also recorded in the table below.
In overall, it can be seen that agricultural land was mainly negatively affected by the activity of over- grazing. Besides, Europe, among the three regions, was the one that mostly suffered from the degradation of land.
Firstly, in term of causes, the percentage of global land destroyed by over- grazing accounted for the majority, 35%. Whereas, the proportion of land spoiled by the deforestation and over- cultivation was recorded approximately the same, 30% and 28% respectively.
Secondly, regarding to the specific degree of regional degradation, Europe experienced the highest proportion of land destroyed, recording 23% during the 1990s, with the main reason from the deforestation, accounting for 9.8% in total. While Oceania's degrading land accounted for 13%, the figure for that of North America was just 5%, three times lower.

• 
  Screenshot2025030.png
  
• 
  Screenshot2025030.png
  

This is considered a cut and paste of the original description. You have to restate this in your own words. A cut and paste presentation will result in TA and GRA deductions in the preliminary score.


Incorrect word usage. You will receive an LR penalty. Affection means a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. The word you should have used is effect, that means a change which is a result or consequence of an action or other cause.


Just say "overall".

You are skilled at presenting the actual information, but you have a problem when it comes or paraphrasing and word meaning. Your English skills in those departments will be what will you to get a non passing score during the actual test.

Just some grammar checks here. I believe you meant "throughout" instead of "though out" in the first paragraph.
And I don't think you need to state the word "below" in the "....is also recorded in the table below.". Because there is no table or chart included when you write your essay in IELTS, right? (obviously XD)
Keep going, you got this!