This is the first article of GRE argument written by myself, I'm quite at a loss how to develop and revise it, hope for help~~
Here is my article:
The author of this argument predicts that the C Note in Monroe cannot help but make money. (cl) To support this prediction the author points out that the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe. The author also provides anecdotal evidence involving the number of people attending Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians living there, as well as the highest-rated radio program "Jazz Nightly". Finally, the author cites a nationwide study indicating the cost spent by jazz fans on jazz entertainment. Close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's prediction.
First, the author unfairly assumes that it is the convenient transportation of the C Note that resulted in owning the whole local market. But we can find no concrete evidence to substantiate the inevitable relationship between the location and the market obtained by the club. Even if it is convenient for people to get there, there are many other factors which could also lead to the result, such as the cost of joining the club as well as the quality of service. In short, the author could not hastily conclude that location is the only possible reason for their success in attracting customers before taking above factors into account.
Second, the author also holds on his prediction by assuming that many famous jazz musicians living there can bring the C Note about large numbers of jazz fans. However, the author overlooks the probability of personal preference of the musicians. Perhaps they choose to live there just because of the pleasant scenery and comfortable environment. Or perhaps they really don't want to be disturbed by their fans during their daily life.
Third, the fact that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment could insufficiently substantiate the conclusion that the club would be a tremendously profitable enterprise since the argument is based only on a nationwide study and the author does not provides how much does it cost to join the jazz club in Monroe. The situation in that city may have been totally different. Moreover, people possibly spend their money just on pursuing jazz instruments or souvenirs(纪念品) rather than signing up for the club. Unless the author can demonstrate that many people in Monroe spend money on joining the C Note, the conclusion cannot be reached merely basing on the general cases.
In a nutshell, the author's evidence accomplishes little toward supporting his argument for the C Note making money. To further bolster the argument the author must provide better evidence, perhaps by way of a reliable study conducted in Monroe on how much people spend on the club. Finally, to better evaluate the author's prediction we would need more information about the price of being a club member as well as the quality of the club, and the reason why so many well-known jazz musicians live in that city.
3Q for giving me a hand~
Here is my article:
The author of this argument predicts that the C Note in Monroe cannot help but make money. (cl) To support this prediction the author points out that the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe. The author also provides anecdotal evidence involving the number of people attending Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians living there, as well as the highest-rated radio program "Jazz Nightly". Finally, the author cites a nationwide study indicating the cost spent by jazz fans on jazz entertainment. Close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's prediction.
First, the author unfairly assumes that it is the convenient transportation of the C Note that resulted in owning the whole local market. But we can find no concrete evidence to substantiate the inevitable relationship between the location and the market obtained by the club. Even if it is convenient for people to get there, there are many other factors which could also lead to the result, such as the cost of joining the club as well as the quality of service. In short, the author could not hastily conclude that location is the only possible reason for their success in attracting customers before taking above factors into account.
Second, the author also holds on his prediction by assuming that many famous jazz musicians living there can bring the C Note about large numbers of jazz fans. However, the author overlooks the probability of personal preference of the musicians. Perhaps they choose to live there just because of the pleasant scenery and comfortable environment. Or perhaps they really don't want to be disturbed by their fans during their daily life.
Third, the fact that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment could insufficiently substantiate the conclusion that the club would be a tremendously profitable enterprise since the argument is based only on a nationwide study and the author does not provides how much does it cost to join the jazz club in Monroe. The situation in that city may have been totally different. Moreover, people possibly spend their money just on pursuing jazz instruments or souvenirs(纪念品) rather than signing up for the club. Unless the author can demonstrate that many people in Monroe spend money on joining the C Note, the conclusion cannot be reached merely basing on the general cases.
In a nutshell, the author's evidence accomplishes little toward supporting his argument for the C Note making money. To further bolster the argument the author must provide better evidence, perhaps by way of a reliable study conducted in Monroe on how much people spend on the club. Finally, to better evaluate the author's prediction we would need more information about the price of being a club member as well as the quality of the club, and the reason why so many well-known jazz musicians live in that city.
3Q for giving me a hand~