The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"to serve this housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus hosing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
In the given memo, a dean at Buckingham College claims that the college should build new dormitories to meet the demand for expected housing needs increase. To support this argument, the dean cites current trends that enrollment is growing. The dean also points out that rental rates for off-campus apartments have been increasing, making it more difficult for students to afford this hosing option, and new dormitory would attract prospect prospective students to the college. Nonetheless, numerous questions need to be answered to verify the author's claims and prediction.
To begin with, the dean provides no evidence to prove that enrollment will constantly be increasing in the future. Without considering other external factors affecting the college's enrollment such as college's reputation, economic condition and so on, it is difficult to predict reliable results merely based on current trend. Even though enrollment will become more increasing, enrollment increase does not necessarily increase demand for student housing. Useless students commuting to the college from their parent's homes constitutes a significant majority of total number of new students, the dean's prediction of substantial increase in demand for dormitory housing remains unconvincing.
Secondly, the dean points out that the average rental rates for off-campus apartments have been increasing. However, the dean provides no evidence to prove what increase of rental rates will continues in the future. Moreover, if the rental cost for apartment in town is not reasonable that students cannot afford, they have alternative of taking up accommodation in the suburbs that might be affordable. Students can share an apartment with their friends, which can be a way to lighten financial burden of the rent. Without ruling out other plausible scenarios, the dean cannot justify his argument.
Lastly, even if above points were proven in the author's favor, the assumption that new dormitory would attract perspective students to the college might be unwarranted. When choosing the college, students might estimate them in terms of facilities condition as well as overall reputation and quality of faculty. Thus, new dormitory would have more little effect on attracting perspective students than dean expected.
In sum, the dean's argument is not well supported and based on incomplete assumptions. In order to bolster it, the author must provide clear evidence that enrollment have been increasing and will continue in the further, leading to increase of demand for dormitory hosing.
-..will constantly be increasingincrease in the future.
-..enrollment increase does not necessarily increase the demand
- UselessSome (you cannot say "useless students", just because they don't board the school housing) students
- ..of rental rates will continues in the future.
- ..they have an alternative of taking up
-.. a way to lightenalleviate financial burden of the rent.
- Without ruling out other plausible scenarios, the dean cannot justify his argument.
- would attract perspectiveprospect students to the college might be unwarranted.
- ..dormitory would have morea little more effect on..
-.. attracting perspective studentspotential tenants than the dean expected.
- In sumconclusion ( "In sum", doesn't really compliment your well written argument) ,
- ..will continue in the further, leading to the increase of demand for dormitory hosinghousing ( typo but be careful) .
Jyh, this is a well written argument and you clearly made your point, KUDOS to you!!!
I made a few remarks, most of it are minor such as your linking verbs, as I mentioned they are minor but if we don't avoid it, it can spell disaster.
